Currie Cup begins
THE TV channels are having us on again. They keep showing footage of this rough chunk of sand, rock and ice flying about in outer space, which they say is the comet 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko, on which the European spacecraft Rosetta is going to land one of these days, having chased it for 10 years.
But just look closely at that hard, rough chunk of rock and sand they call 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko. It that's not the Griquas rugby field at Kimberley, I'll eat my hat.
Griquas are going to be a tough nut tomorrow. They're more of a unit than our guys, who have all the Boks and the overseas signings extracted. It will not be easy.
But if the Sharks have managed to shake off the pointless kicking disease that dogged them all the way through the Super 15, perhaps they can relearn what used to be called the "Natal game".
May 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko be the turning point. (I must say I preferred the name Kimberley, but then I'm never enthusiastic about name changes).
Highland Games
Let the wind blow high,
Let the wind blow low,
Down the street in ma kilt I go,
The lassies they all shout 'Heigh-ho
Donald whaur's yer troosers?'
Yes, it's the KwaZulu-Natal Highland Games at Balgowan tomorrow and the lassies are crowding in tae get a glimpse of the Maclaine of Loch Buie (also known as Drambuie) resplendent in the kilt as he takes the salute.
The wind fairly whistles down that valley above the Michaelhouse playing fields where the thing is held and kilts can be tricky. Ye nivver know yer luck, Lassie, ye nivver know yer luck!
Besides the pipe bands, tossing the caber and the regimental stuff, there'll be shire horses, carriage horses and American quarterhorses on display. There'll be historical talks on the Midlands by Ken Gillings and Donald Davies, in the Michaelhouse lecture theatres.
And Alistair Mackenzie will be going for the Guinness Book of Records with the resounding belch he produces at the appropriate moment in his Address to the Haggis.
Roll up, roll up! Drambuie in the kilt is a sight to behold.
Another test
THE maths teachers haven't been doing too well in their tests. How would you mark this pupil's effort?
· In which battle did Napoleon die? – His last battle.
· Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? – At the bottom of the page.
· The River Ravi flows in which state? – Liquid.
· What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage.
· What is the main reason for failure? – Exams.
· What can you never eat for breakfast? – Lunch and dinner.
· How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? – No problem, he sleeps at night.
· How can you lift an elephant with one hand? – No elephant has one hand.
· If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? – Very big hands.
· If it took eight men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? – No time at all, the wall is already built.
· How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? – Any way you want, concrete floors are hard to crack.
Nought percent? A hundred percent is more like it.
Juju style
IAN Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, reflects on the sartorial style of Julius Malema and wonders if it's really in keeping with Bolshevism.
The EFF's commander wears overalls and boots,
Disdaining ties and elegant suits;
But his Italian socks
Come from the finest stocks,
And his watch and his shoes have Gucci roots.
Lenin would never have worn workers' overalls, let alone gumboots.
Tailpiece
A DUCK walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Have you got any bread?"
"No, sorry. We don't sell bread."
"I see. Have you got any bread?"
"I just told you, we don't have bread."
"Okay, then. How about some bread?"
"No! We've got no bread!"
"Got any bread?"
"Look, you stupid duck, we don't have any bread! And if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the bar counter!"
"Got any nails?"
"No!"
"Got any bread?"
Last word
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
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