Help – call in Tech Support!
IN THIS digital age we depend absolutely on our programs. We are also utterly dependent on Tech Support. A plaintive little letter comes this way.
"Dear Tech Support,
"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend.
"In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Cricket, Rugby, Golf and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and House Cleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
"What can I do?
"Signed, Desperate."
Dishy dames
LAST week we asked if anyone could identify the two lovelies in a photograph with former Idler Esmond Caro, back in 1966. He had just done the honours in the inauguration of the Ladysmith Show Queen and her Princess. But he couldn't remember their names.
This followed a phase of acrimony between the Idler and Ladysmith, following suggestions by Esmond's predecessor, Jack Shepherd-Smith, that the town had failed to find a winner in a beauty contest; also that a Miss Lucky Legs competition had been won by the billiard table in the Royal Hotel.
And now – Bingo! The Ladysmith Show Queen in 1966 was Pearl Wilson, identified by Megan Caminsky who was at Natal Teachers' Training College with her.
And the Ladysmith Show Princess was – hey, wait for this! – the mother-in-law of reader Nick Goble. Her name in those days was Jenny Lee Aulsebrook.
Dishy dames, the pair of them (to use the permissible argot of 1966).
Raconteur
MORE on Phillip Nel, captain of the 1937 rugby Springboks. Arthur Lishman, of Pennington, says he conducted one of the experiments for his MSc Agriculture thesis on a flock of ewes kindly made available by Nel.
"The research was initiated on his farm at Impendle and the lambing took place at Vetspruit (near Greytown) during March 1964.
"While I was based on his farm he told me that after the First Test in New Zealand (which the Springboks lost) the team told their captain they would NEVER take the field without him again.
"He also described how the forwards discouraged the opposition jumpers in the line-out by grabbing a very delicate part of their anatomy while the jumper was in the air.
"He was a great story-teller and explained to me in great detail how the house at Impendle was visited by the ghost of a deserter from the British forces in the Boer war. This farm manager was paid in gold coins which he buried on the farm. Unfortunately he took ill and died before help could arrive. He was attempting to lead someone to the cache."
Fascinating stuff. But I'm shocked by that line-out business.
Bok panel
MEANWHILE, Freddie Davel, my gallant skipper and long-suffering flyhalf from club rugby days in Maritzburg, tells me the 1937 Springboks were controlled, organised , managed and coached by a panel of five players - Philip Nel (captain), Danie Craven (vice-captain), Lucas Strachan, Boy Louw and Gerry Brand . This included team selection with the captain and vice-captain having casting votes. The panel were also responsible for social events.
Fred got this from former Springbok threequarter Jeremy Nel, with whom he plays bowls. Jeremy turned 80 a week or so ago.
Nkandla
RETIRED architect Dave James reflects in verse on the Nkandla affair.
The architect known as Makhanya
Was employed for a house at Nkandla
His brief from one - Zuma
(Now surprisingly rumour),
Has involved him in terrible slander.
Whatever the outcome may be,
The fiscus will pay - just you see!
And the man who's the boss
Will refuse to bear loss,
And retire in pure luxu-ree.
Hey, a double-limerick!
Tailpiece
AN ACCORDION player pulls in at a roadside diner after a gig. He's sipping his coffee when he realises he left his accordion on the back seat of the car, in full view.
He rushes to the car but it's too late – somebody has smashed the window and thrown in two more accordions.
Last word
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
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