Desperadoes' get-together
WHAT more effective assembling under one roof of the desperadoes of this province than the annual Traditional Schools Lunch, at the Salt Rock Hotel on the North Coast?
The Traditional Schools are Hilton, Michaelhouse, Kearsney, DHS, Glenwood, Westville, Northwood, St Charles and, of course – last, but not by any means least – Maritzburg College.
What a roar of camaraderie there was last Friday; a wild storm out at sea and inside the pre-lunch bar something to rival it. One runs into all kinds of blokes you haven't seen in decades. In my case a Kearsney fellow I hadn't seen since the days in the navy when we were a vital part of Nato's secret network in the Cold War.
'Twas great seeing him again, though he spoke sternly to me about a practice – or so he said – of my continually writing in this column about Maritzburg College. If I am guilty of that, I make redress.
A DHS fellow was there in shorts and barefoot. Well, not entirely barefoot. He had boots and rugby stockings painted on.
The table manners of the Glenwood contingent were astonishing to see – something like what you would expect late at night in the foc'sle of a pirate ship.
The Hilton fellows have developed a remarkable chemical propensity – liquor simply evaporates in their presence.
The Michaelhouse chaps have a fund of stories so pungently lewd you're left aghast.
The Kearsney types … No, this is getting us nowhere. Let's rather cut to the chase.
Guest speaker was John Smit, CEO of Sharks Rugby, who is a product of Pretoria Boys' High (before coming to KZN and civilisation). John gave a succinct rundown on the way rugby is heading in this province.
Then he was inducted into performing the Traditional Schools Haka. This is similar to the Maori Haka, except the chanting is in Zulu.
After a few trial runs John was performing like a veteran. Coming from Pretoria, he presumably didn't quite understand what he was chanting – but the little waitress did and she was crying with laughter.
A wonderful get-together. One of the chaps at our table was presented with a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label for organising the thing. Resignedly, he called for glasses and a bucket of ice.
Boy, did that Black Label evaporate! (We had a few Hilton fellows at the table, you understand). Black Label on the rocks – it's to be recommended after a good lunch.
That waitress, convulsed and crying with laughter - somehow she captured the mood of the thing.
Mantra
THE EFF behaved badly in the National Assembly but it did produce a mantra with widespread application, investment analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter.
"The irony of the whole mess is delightful and endless. The chant of: 'Pay back the money!' has quickly become a mantra with widespread application.
"President Zuma missed a trick when he should have used it back against the leader of the noisy bunch, who himself is reportedly catching up with his tax shortfall by making regular payments which, puzzlingly, are considerably greater than his monthly parliamentarian's salary.
"So far, no one has yet used the phrase against the Chief of the Defence Force, General Solly Shoke, who rather understandably failed to resist the temptation of booking himself into one of the ultra-luxurious first class cabins aboard a flight to the Far East. After all, if the airlines offer these facilities who else but high ranking government employees can afford to use them? And it was a terribly important meeting he was going to."
Greener also notes a proposal to place a 10 percent levy on the KZN tourism industry - expressed in units of job creation.
"The money will apparently be used to fund a project of enticing and inviting grand and prestigious events to use this eastern coast as a venue. The idea has all the hallmarks of bureaucratic ignorance of how the real world works."
Tailpiece
A KENTUCKY farmer hears splashing and female laughter from a pond on his property. Investigating, he finds a bunch of girls skinnydipping.
They go into the deep part and one shouts: "We're not coming out 'til you leave."
The farmer replies: "Don't mind me. I'm jes' here to feed the alligator."
Last word
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
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