History on a knife-edge
THE closing stages at the weekend of the state visit to the United Kingdom by Pope Benedict – a resounding success by all accounts – all but eclipsed the fact that it was the 70th anniversary of the Battle of Britain – even though the Pontiff himself did mention it.
Where would we be today if "The Few" had not prevailed against the Luftwaffe? It would be a different world.
There was a significant South African input to the Battle of Britain, notably Sailor Malan, who went on to found the Torch Commando to fight the Nats' subversion of the constitution.
I count myself privileged to have personally known two of The Few: Gerald Stapleton, who died only a few months ago, and Tiny Nel (he was six feet six inches and they had difficulty shoehorning him into a Spitfire cockpit), who went on to become squadron leader of the Black Arrows, the RAF aerobatic team and forerunner to today's Red Arrows.
Trivial Pursuit question: Who founded the RAF? Answer: General Smuts, who was in the British war cabinet in World War I (and II, for that matter).
Where would we have been in 1940 without the RAF? Where would the German-born Pope Benedict be today? Probably not in the Holy See.
September 1940 – history was on a knife-edge.
Crazy signs
SOME signs that could have done with a little more thought:
· In a lavatory: "Toilet out of order. Please use floor below."
· In a Laundromat: "Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out."
· In a London department store: "Bargain basement upstairs."
· In an office: "After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
· Outside a secondhand shop: "We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?"
· At a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor."
· On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door. The bell doesn't work)."
Small town sign
A STORY comes this way from small-town America. Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened rooms and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read: "Schizoids and Haemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either so, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics."
Again no go.
They tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives."
Thumbs down again.
Then "Minds and Behinds." - still no good.
"Analysis and Anal Cysts." - not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts"? No way!
"Freaks and Cheeks"? Still no go.
"Loons and Moons"? Forget it!
Finally: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones - Odds and Ends."
That made it.
Street kids
THEY hang about the intersections pestering motorists for hand-outs. Where did they come from? We wish they would go away, our consciences are uneasy. And what happens when they grow up? Do they graduate to serious crime?
Retired Durban business executive Bryan Britton has had enough of it. He's determined to do something to help lift the street children out of their predicament, get them into an acceptable mode of living. He believes society and the state have let them down and have no programme to rescue them.
But what does one do? Britton's contribution has been to put together a book that draws on the religious/ethical precepts of the ancient world and the modern world to set a framework for the youth of today. Stepping Stones (Reach Publishers) brings together aphorisms from a range of sources – from ancient Rome to the Bible to eastern philosophy to modern European philosophy - all focusing on the requirements for a balanced and meaningful life.
The proceeds will go to I Care, a registered charity that seeks to bring street children back into productive society and into an environment where those precepts can have meaning. The book can be ordered at www.crink.co.za
Tailpiece
Eve: "Do you love me?"
Adam: "Who else?"
Last word
That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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