Tony in strange company
FORMER British prime minister Tony Blair is having some difficulty marketing his memoirs. When he pitched for a book-signing signing ceremony in Dublin, a hostile crowd threw eggs and shoes at him.
A signing ceremony in London was cancelled because of the certainty of a similarly hostile reception – because of his involvement in the war in Iraq – and now he is being ridiculed because it transpires that while in Ireland he appeared on late night television with "Jedward", an inanely whacky duo of near-midgets named John and Edward Grimes who specialise in painted faces wildly up-combed hair and gibberish dialogue.
It's not the usual accompaniment to statesmanship and bookishness. But Blair appears not to care with whom he shares the limelight on his promotional tour. He'll talk to anyone.
Shortest man
THE WORLD'S shortest man, Colombian Edward Nino Hernandez, measures only 70 cm in height (27 inches) and weighs 10kg. His status has just been recognised by the Guinness Book of World Records.
Twenty-four-year-old Nino comes from Bosa, a poor district of southern Bogota, and loves to dance, dreams of owning a car and wants to see the world.
He has an 18-year-old girlfriend named Fanny, who towers over him at 1.5 metres. He has danced in department stores and has been cast to appear in a film as a pint-sized drug thug.
Perhaps he and Fanny should also appear on late night television with Tony Blair.
Feeding frenzy
TIGER sharks have been spotted in a massive feeding frenzy at a place called Noosa, off the southern Queensland coast in Australia. A helicopter crew saw hundreds of them circling a shoal of fish, according to this news report.
Noosa, Isipingo, Ballito – the sardine run seems to spread itself everywhere these days.
Dog days
I'M OBLIGED for this account to a person who says he has reached retirement and seeks amusement to fill an otherwise empty day.
"Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of dog food for my loyal pet and was in the check-out queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
"What did she think I had - an elephant? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the dogfood diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost two stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms
"I told her it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pockets with dogfood nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
"Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a kerb to sniff an Irish setter's behind and a car hit us both.
"I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
"Now I'm banned from the supermarket."
Some supermarket managers just don't understand the need for diversion while queueing.
Nosey the cat
WHOOPS! Yesterday we carried the account of a lady named Lauren who is looking for somebody to give a good home to Nosey, a character cat who had taken up residence at the abandoned Addington Children's Hospital and befriended much of the neighbourhood. Nosey will lose his home now the hospital is to be refurbished and put pack into use.
But one of those gremlins got the wrong number into the newspaper. Lauren's correct number is 072-1492051.
If anyone wants to assist, I'm told Nosey is a very friendly and sociable striped tabby and perfectly healthy.
Tailpiece
First farmer: I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a new cow."
Second farmer: "You'd look pretty silly riding a cow."
First farmer: "I'd look sillier milking a bicycle."
Last word
If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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