Pass the port, fellows!
'TWAS a splendid array of men and women in full mess kit. Scarlet, blue, black or white tunics; trousers with red, white, yellow or blue stripes down the leg; kilts; dirks; chain mail on the shoulder; elaborate badges of office (especially on the sleeves of regimental sergeant-majors); gongs by the barrow-load; and, of course, spurs.
What was this? Gilbert and Sullivan? No, it was the annual dinner in the Durban Light Infantry drill hall of the KwaZulu-Natal Reserve Forces - army, navy, air force and medical corps, the province's traditional army regiments plus the reserve forces in the other services.
The description above is, of course, broadly inclusive. No single individual wears all that stuff – not that I saw anyway. But collectively it's very colourful. Taken with bagpipe music and time-honoured rituals like the passing of the port – you do it from left to right with a kind of variation on the grip for delivering a legbreak – it provides a wonderful atmosphere. Add to this five courses of top-class nosh and a lot of banter – hardly any of it actually concerning things military – and it adds up to a fun evening.
What's the point of it all? Is this a whole lot of neo-Victorian flummery, a kind of fancy dress party, something entirely irrelevant to present-day South Africa? Or is it just an excuse for an enjoyable nosh-up and a few drinks?
Beneath the surface it's actually pretty serious. The reserve forces, especially the army regiments, are a key component of the South African military. They connect the past with the present, they bring in continuity and tradition. Also at the dinner in their mess kit were senior officers from Pretoria; it's a melding of the old and the new.
The reserve forces are part of a stabilising network that does not exist anywhere else in sub-Saharan Africa; they represent a tradition of military service in support of lawful authority and nothing else. Their record of service includes two world wars.
Also, the reserve forces present economic opportunity in times of high unemployment. No longer based on conscription, young men and women can volunteer for service and receive the discipline and purpose so many of them crave. They emerge useful members of society, and here lies a challenge to the business community. They need to be absorbed into the formal economy. To train people in weaponry then turn them loose on the streets is just crazy.
But the serious stuff is worn very lightly. Back to Gilbert and Sullivan.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
Pass the port, old chap!
Connectivity
THE BRITISH Labour Party appears to outdo the ANC in family connectivity. The new leadership was decided between brothers Ed and David Miliband.
The shadow cabinet (voted by MPs, not nominated by the leader) produced a runaway winner in Yvette Cooper, who happens to be the wife of Ed Balls, former Secretary of State for Education (what we would call a minister).
Also in the shadow cabinet are twin sisters Angela and Maria Eagle.
All this, and all kinds of sub-plots too tedious to mention, were the subject of endless analysis on Sky News the other night. This is a shadow cabinet. The Tories and Liberal Democrats have committed their coalition to lasting a full five-year parliamentary term. The shadow cabinet will remain in deep shade. Twenty-four hour television sometimes has to scrape for news.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Tailpiece
A WOMAN goes into labour and yells: "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Can't!"
She was having contractions.
Last word
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
No comments:
Post a Comment