Float like a butterfly
Half a bee,
Philosophically,
Must ipso facto half not be.
But can a bee be said to be,
Vis-a-vis its entity,
When half that bee is not a bee,
Due to an ancient injury?
D'you see?
FLOAT like a butterfly ... the lines from Monty Python's Flying Circus came to mind as bees intervened on Saturday to delay the start of the Currie Cup semi-final by 40 minutes. Nobody could quite believe it. Bees? Crocodiles from the Umgeni maybe – but bees! Apparently they had swarmed under the eaves of the main grandstand and objected to the presence of Blue Bulls supporters.
There was also a theory that the fellows out there on the field with a blower, fire extinguishers and a red smoke flare – occasionally jumping and slapping as they got stung – were part of the NRU's prematch entertainment. Lively stuff!
How do you persuade bees to leave? You recite Monty Python to them, that's how, but the NRU did it the hard way.
But it was worth the wait. What an epic match! Oof! This was samp and beans rugby, no candyfloss. It was like the Battle of the Somme – only a lot more serious. This one belongs in the annals.
And it was almost as if the thing was scripted. The bees held matters up for 40 minutes. That meant much of the second half was played in a deluge of rain, which only added to the starkness and the drama.
Chills the body but not the soul!
| Desert isle tale A story comes this way of a fellow who was shipwrecked on a desert island. He had no supplies and survived on only bananas and coconuts.
He is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?
She replies: "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed there when my cruise ship sank."
"You're lucky you had a boat washed up with you."
"Oh, this thing? I made it out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
She docks the boat at a small wharf. A stone walk leads to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. As they go inside, she says casually: "It's not much but I call it home. Would you like a drink?"
"I can't take another drop of coconut milk."
"It's not coconut milk," she winks. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
He accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk.
Then she says: "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet."
Sure enough, there's a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. This woman is amazing.
When he comes back she's wearing nothing but strategically positioned vines and smells faintly of gardenias.
She beckons him closer. "Tell me," says, slithering up to him . "We've been out here for many months ... You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?"
She looks into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean ..."He swallows in excitement. "Don't tell me you've got Supersport?" |
Tailpiece
ARCHAEOLOGISTS in the Negev desert have discovered a 3 000-year-old mummy who died of a heart attack.
Reason for the diagnosis? He had a betting slip in his hand that read: "Ten thousand shekels on Goliath."
Last word
Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising.
Cyril Connolly
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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