Eeriness on the N3
THERE was something eerie about it like suddenly coming upon the mythical Elephants' Graveyard – pantechnichons, container carriers, all kinds of weird and wonderful giant rigs standing there motionless on the N3.
Had they assembled to die, as in the myth? No, it turns out there had been some kind of accident on the down carriageway just outside Maritzburg yesterday and now these behemoths of the road were pushed back almost to Howick – a distance of some 20 km – their engines switched off, some of their crews braai-ing at the roadside. I happened to spot this phenomenon from the up carriageway, on my way to the Karkloof.
The traffic police seemed to have somehow filtered the cars and other light vehicles out of the logjam and sent them on the old route through Hilton – which the giants would not be able to negotiate. It only added to the surreal atmosphere of kilometre after kilometre of stranded hugeness.
In such a situation questions arise. What was this massive bottleneck costing the economy? For how much longer can the N3 serve as the only link between the Gauteng megalopolis and Durban, Africa's greatest port? And what the heck has happened to our rail system that should be carrying most of this load?
Elephants' Graveyard – maybe that's it.
Tricky case
I'M TOLD there's a little confusion between the police and the prosecuting authorities.
The cops breathalysed a motorist in Florida Road the other night and found him to be over the limit. They took him to the police station, where charges were laid.
Name of the accused, as recorded: Charles Glass.
A TINY, faint dot in a picture taken by the Hubble space telescope has been confirmed as the most distant galaxy ever detected in the Universe.
This collection of stars -classified as UDFy-38135539 - is so far away its light has taken more than 13 billion years to arrive at Earth.
Tiny and faint it might be – but be sure, if there's intelligent life out there it will sooner or later make contact with the folk on the Bluff.
Lanky cat
YESTERDAY we had a picture of an American cat named Stewie being held out at full stretch by his adoring owner, Robin Hendrickson. Stewie, of Reno, Nevada, had just been recognised as the world's longest cat at 123.2cm, from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail bone.
I'm not sure who goes around measuring cats in this way, let alone who records the measurements and adjudicates. But it does illustrate the metaphor of a place being too small to swing a cat in.
The worm turns
A FLUTTER in Russia. A regional governor, Sergei Zelenin, posted a message on Twitter claiming he found a worm in a salad he was served at the Kremlin. He illustrated it with a photograph of a live worm on a plate of salad.
"That's an original way to show that the lettuce leaf is fresh," he said.
But the Kremlin is not amused, and top foreign policy adviser Sergei Prikhodko accuses Mr Zelenin of "irresponsibility, stupidity and imbecility".
"I would advise anyone who wants to invite Mr Zelenin as a guest to think hard before doing so," he says.
There are other ways to handle such matters. I once knew an army officer who, when on duty in the mess hall, went about with the traditional "Any complaints?"
Suddenly a private said: "Yes Sir!" and produced a lettuce leaf with a caterpillar on it.
As my officer friend boggled, wondering what to do, the sergeant-major intervened: "Well, don't wave it around, son! Everyone will want one!"
Tailpiece
DAVID Cameron is visiting a hospital ward in Edinburgh. He greets a patient who replies: "Fair fa your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the puddin' race, aboon them a' you take your place, painch, tripe or thairm, as langs my arm."
Retreating in confusion, Cameron tries the next patient, who replies: "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat but want it, but we hae meat and can eat, so let the Lord be thankit."
In desperation he tries the next patient. " Wee sleekit, cowrin' timrous beastie …" the man begins.
Cameron asks the ward sister: "What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"
"No, it's the Serious Burns Unit."
Last word
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
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