State-owned hokey-cokey
YOU put your chairman in,
You put your chairman out,
You put your chairman in
And then you put him out.
You do the hokey-cokey,
You turn things inside out,
That's what it's all about …
THE ABOVE is, of course, an extract from the minutes of a board meeting of the SABC. It bears an uncanny resemblance to a similar extract from the minutes of a board meeting of South African Airways.
You put your Chief Operating Officer in,
You put your Chief Operating Officer out,
You put your Chief Operating Officer in
And then you put him out.
You do the hokey-cokey,
You turn things inside out,
That's what it's all about …
The above is no cause for immediate alarm. The people dancing the hokey-cokey in the SAA boardroom never go near the flight deck or the maintenance workshops of any aircraft. Their function is purely choreography and the spending of vast amounts of money. There are no flight safety concerns.
Similarly, the people dancing the hokey-cokey in the SABC boardroom are no immediate threat to society. While they do obtrude on newsrooms on an almost daily basis, the SABC was gutted as a credible national broadcaster years ago. The hokey-cokey function is, similarly, purely choreography and the spending of vast amounts of money.
O-o-o-o-o-h, hokey-cokey …
Football violence
SOMETHING has to be done about this sickening violence on the football pitch, this biting and gouging. In Switzerland the other day the game was held up and a player required first aid treatment.
The match in the Swiss Super League was between FC Thun and FC Zurich. Suddenly a pine marten was on the pitch, running about with great agility and clearly enjoying himself hugely.(A pine martin is a stoat-like animal , a bit like a ferret, about the size of a dachshund).
The game stopped and stewards and players ran after the little critter trying to catch it. Then Zurich defender Loris Benito dive-tackled it and was carrying it triumphantly off the field by the neck when it sank its sharp teeth into his finger. It got away again and eventually Zurich goalie David da Costa caught it, wearing his protective goalkeeper's gloves, and it was removed from the field of play with a red card.
It's a worrying development. Match officials at Moses Mabhida are said to be taking precautions against pitch invasions by cane rats, porcupines and genet cats.
Baby on board
RAIL commuters in Kent, England, were held up at peak hour while a woman gave birth in a carriage, assisted by the conductor.
Afterwards South-Eastern Rail put out a statement congratulating mother and daughter and saying both were well. This was followed by a flood of congratulations on Twitter.
One tweet: "That's the first good excuse South-Eastern have come up with for a delayed train."
Uniforms
THE ABOVE recalls the British admiral and the portly Anglican bishop who had been at odds ever since they were at public school together. They met by chance at a rural railway station, the admiral in uniform and the bishop in purple cassock and gaiters.
Bishop: "Stationmaster, when is the next train to London?"
Admiral: "Madam, I really don't know. But in your condition you should surely not be travelling by train."
Piggyback ride
THESE Kiwi surfers get uglier by the day. A black piglet called Zorro is riding the waves in New Zealand. His owner, Matthew Bell, has taught him to ride a surfboard.
Matthew says the two-months- old pig is a natural, a phenomenal swimmer. When he outgrows the surfboard they will have to find something else for him to do on the beach – maybe take part in the beauty contests.
Faulty GPS
WHOOPS! Lost in the blizzard. Where's the GPS? Readers have pointed out that Anchorage is in Alaska, not Canada, as said in Monday's caption to the picture of the sleeping sled dog.
Let's move on. Mush! Mush!
Milch cow
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens some lines on the issuing of iPads to councillors.
Durban's milch cow called ratepayer,
Or goose, as in golden egg layer,
Keeps footing the bill
And refilling the till
For those iPads and other cash slayers.
Tailpiece
He: "I'm making my will. I'm leaving everything to you."
She: "You always did, you lazy slob!"
Last word
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
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