Fatties to the rescue
AIRLINES should make heavier passengers pay more for their tickets and lighter ones less, it has been suggested by a Norwegian university professor. Dr Bharat P Bhatta, of Sogn og Fjordane University College, suggests a weigh-in before take-off so that fares are charged according to the weight of the individual plus his/her belongings.
Could this be the answer to the financial woes of SAA?
Who are the frequent fliers on SAA? Why, cabinet ministers, MPs and their vast entourages?
Who are the fattest fliers on SAA? Why (to generalise, admittedly), cabinet ministers, MPs and their vast entourages. Their beam-ends tend to be considerably more vast than the average; they squeeze with great difficulty into the seating provided.
Dr Bhatta's proposal seems both fair and reasonable. If I choose to travel with my collection of cannon balls in my hand luggage, I have to pay. If a fellow has been steadily building up blubber reserves in the members' dining room at parliament, why should he not have to pay as well?
Avoirdupois – let that be the new pricing criterion! The bean-counters at SAA must be rubbing their hands with glee.
Not in trim
THE ABOVE generalisation as to political beam-ends is based on personal experience. We were flying to Ndumu in one of those smallish twin-engine jobs. We stopped at Richards Bay to pick up two provincial MPs.
As they waddled toward the plane like a pair of rhino in Saville Row suits, the pilot invited me to join him in the spare seat at the controls "to correct the trim".
Sure enough, the aircraft lurched backward as the two climbed aboard. Being seated beside him, I listened to the pilot as he reported to the control tower by radio as he prepared for take-off: " … 14 on board, 16 if you count the two fat bastards I've just picked up …".
Charmers
DURBAN people continue to take pride in Nick Compton, the former DHS boy who is now rattling up the runs for England. Reader Valerie Johnson adds her congratulations and recalls taking a photograph of his grandfather, the great Denis, while he was playing for England against South Africa at Kingsmead.
"As a teenager I always accompanied my parents to Kingsmead to watch cricket. What a wonderful venue that was- the grassy banks, the original Castle Corner and the camaraderie .
"All had their picnic baskets and blankets or folding chairs. We normally had tasty home-made Cornish pasties, made by my Gran, and chocolate cake. Dad had his beer - Castle quarts. In those days you were allowed to bring your own.
"All the young girls had a crush on Denis Compton and his team-mate, Bill Edrich. England were fielding and Denis Compton was on the boundary nearest to us. I was quickly down at the picket fence with my Brownie box camera. He was aware of me hovering behind and he would turn and smile then turn back to the action. I just could not click in time.
"Eventually my Dad came to help. Denis turned and smiled: 'Not much of a photographer is she - but she's very pretty.' He said it – not me."
Swoon! Those Comptons have always been great charmers.
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer."
Daisy, Daisy
AN ENGLISH girl who stumbled across the fossil of a completely new species of flying dinosaur when she was just five is to have it named after her.
Daisy Morris - now nine - found the fossil at Atherfield beach on the Isle of Wight in 2009 and took it to a local dinosaur expert. It turned out to be a new species of pterosaur, about the size of a crow, from about 115 million years ago. It will be called Vectidraco daisymorrisae.
Vertidraco means "dragon from the Isle of Wight". About the size of a crow? Maybe that's a dragonette.
Tailpiece
TWO MUSICIANS are walking down the street.
"Who was the piccolo I saw you with last night?"
"That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
Last word
Never judge a book by its movie.
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