College on the march
THE College boys are happy and the College boys are free … boys, staff and old boys of Maritzburg College will march through the streets of the capital tomorrow to mark the 150th anniversary of the school's founding.
The march will be from outside the city hall at 9 am to the Forder Oval, at College, where a statue is to be unveiled. (The Old Boys' Association newsletter doesn't tell us who the statue is of. Maybe one of those luscious Oscar-winning actresses? We live in hope.)
The city hall to College – that's quite a hike, especially bearing in mind that the Black Horse Bar at the top of West Street is no longer there, the way it was to refresh the College boys when they last marched in this way, at the centenary in 1963.
But there'll be a ring-a-ding in Goldstones Club after the unveiling. It sounds a lot of fun. I just hope they don't confiscate my catty while we're marching. The street lights are very tempting targets in that part of town.
Ricksha ride
ONE HUNDRED and fifty years – Maritzburg College is part of the fabric of our history. So was the Black Horse.
During the Boer War the Victoria Hall at College was commandeered as a military hospital (The sentry boxes are still at the gates). The headmaster of the day used to regularly frequent the Black Horse. West Street, where The Black Horse stood, runs very steeply down to the Umsinduzi River (Durban folk should think Marriott Road). A sign outside the Black Horse read: "This hill is dangerous to rickshas."
But this headmaster scorned such advice. He used to take a ricksha back to College, the puller high in the shafts as they whizzed at breakneck speed down the hill and across the Umsinduzi Bridge.
Once the headmaster was challenged at the gates by a sentry. Fumbling for his pass, he handed the soldier a sheaf of liquor bills instead.
The sentry looked carefully, stepped back and saluted with a new respect. Clearly this was a man of substance!
Quiet pint
THE BLACK Horse Bar also featured in the College career of one of my schoolmates, a fellow who (for the sake of anonymity and to protect innocent parties) I shall refer to simply as Goat Grant.
Goat used to slip out of the boarding establishment at night and stroll up to the Black Horse for a couple of contemplative pints and a chat with Barney Froomberg, the proprietor.
He was engaged in this one evening when two young College masters walked in.
"Good heavens, Grant! What are you doing here?"
"Having a pint of beer, sir."
"Do you come here often?"
"Two or three times a week, sir."
"That's a pity. We also like this place."
At which they walked out and Goat never heard anything more about it.
The College boys are happy and the College boys are free,
The College boys are sober when they go upon the spree,
They never ever quarrel and they never disagree
For the motto of the College boys is "Come and have a drink with me!"
Luminaries
COLLEGE has produced its share of luminaries over the years. Phillip Nel captained the rugby Springboks. Jackie McGlew captained South Africa at cricket. Joel Stransky kicked the winning drop-goal in the 1995 Rugby World Cup.
Alan Paton wrote Cry, The Beloved Country and led the Liberal Party. Quentin Smythe won the Victoria Cross during World War II … the list is a long one.
But most of us are just ordinary blokes who go out of our way to make those who are the product of lesser schools not feel altogether inferior and inadequate.
Shucks, it's hard to be humble!
Tailpiece
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the boys hate me for one, and the masters hate me too."
"That's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And, for another, you're headmaster of Maritzburg College!"
Last word
What sculpture is to a block of marble education is to the human soul. - Joseph Addison
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