College hostage drama
A RUSSIAN held four people hostage in a college of education, then made his demand – a take-away pizza and a fizzy drink.
It happened in Astrakhan, about 1 500km south-east of Moscow, where he locked himself in a classroom with two female students, a teacher and a security guard, armed with a fake pistol and fake explosives.
Police were astonished b y his demand for the pizza and fizzy drink, but complied to keep him talking. Then they stormed the classroom and overpowered him before he could escalate his demands to roast pheasant and champagne.
There must surely be some misunderstanding. This obviously was an advertising shoot that was misunderstood and taken up the wrong way. "I vant nussink more zan a Grand Kremlin Pizza unt Fizzolo!" Classic advertising lines.
Signage
READER Colin Plen, of Berea, says a local supermarket has a sign which reads: "We have CCTV providing security on this Isle." The same supermarket has "roquefort cheese which comes from specially bread sheep."
Yep. And I bet yew pay through the knows."
Neighbourly
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "I gave my new neighbour a housewarming party. Damn cops – they called it arson!"
Bar code sleuth
A MAN charged in Metaire, Louisiana, in the US, with breaking into a pharmacist's to steal drugs was traced through the bar code on the pickaxe he used to break in, which he left behind.
The bar code told the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office where and when he had bought the pickaxe, and from there he was tracked down to his home.
A lucky break for the cops? The man who did the sleuth work and eventual bust was a Colonel John Fortunato.
Egg poached
THE GREAT Easter egg hunt is on – but this one now involves the Glasgow police.
A giant decorated Easter egg worth about £10 000 (R140 000) has been stolen while on display in the city centre. It was one of 101 eggs of fibreglass placed at various spots in Glasgow, Scotland, in the Big Egg Hunt, a charity drive which involves local families and tourists, also incorporating an exhibition of modern art.
The organisers have appealed for the egg's return and the police are onto the case. It is under stood that various underworld bunnies have been hauled in for questioning.
Gone viral
BE CAREFUL what you say on Twitter. A British MP owes about £14 000 (R196 000) to a charity after promising to donate £1 for every retweet of an appeal she put out.
Within 15 minutes, her message had been repeated more than 14 000 times and Fiona MacTaggart, Labour MP for Slough, had to cry: "Whoa! Enough!"
She tweeted: "Ok stop now I owe comic relief £14 268. Phew! Cheque soon if you don't believe me check with comic relief."
Bugs galore
PASSENGERS ON a Greyhound bus from New Jersey to New York City suddenly found themselves enveloped in a swarm of cockroaches that started crawling out of the air vents 15 minutes into the journey.
Passengers were transferred to a new bus, refunded their fare and given a free ticket for a future ride.
Greyhound are now investigating what happened, where the thousands of cockroaches came from
Such phenomena are usually caused by something like an ageing hippy in the back seat shaking out his jockstrap. It's a good place to start.
Skeletons puzzle
TWELVE skeletons found beneath a building site in London are believed to be part of a Black Death burial ground in the 14th century. They were discovered near Farringdon station by teams working for Crossrail, a £15 billion (R210 billion) project to improve transport links in the British capital.
Archaeologists say the indications are that this was part of a 14th century emergency burial ground during the Plague. More than 50 000 people are believed to have been buried in the vicinity.
On the other hand, the skeletons could have been victims of British Rail catering in the 1950s. Those pickled eggs could be lethal.
Tailpiece
"You look miserable, my dear. What's wrong?"
"My husband ran off with my best friend."
"That's awful."
"Yes, I miss her so."
Last word
No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.
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