A modest proposal
'TWAS a most heartwarming spectacle. A Durban restaurant that a moment before seemed scantily occupied at lunch time suddenly bustled with activity as dozens of people came in and proceeded to take sustenance with great joviality. The faces of the management were wreathed in smiles.
Who were the incomers? Why, a provincial government department, here for some kind of pow-wow in the adjacent conference centre (This could not have been one of those wasteful team-building exercises that are now verboten. Clearly it was something vitally important, probably a Crisis Task Team on Wasteful Expenditure).
Why in Durban when the provincial government is seated in Pietermaritzburg? Don't be curmudgeonly. Durban is also part of the province and the inland folk are surely also entitled to lunch at the seaside now and again.
Eureka! Is this not the answer to finding tenants for the beachfront restaurant sites? Guarantee them hook-ups to provincial government for pow-wows, indabas, lekgotlas, think tanks and workshops (though not team-building exercises) and there'll be a stampede of applications.
And why stop at the KZN provincial government? We've got Gauteng, Mpumalanga, North-West and Free State as our hinterland. Their provincial departments surely also deserve their days at the seaside. Let's keep the money in circulation, get our share.
What wonderful names the new establishments could take: Nkandla-by-the sea, Mangaung-by-the-sea, Polokwane-by-the sea …Boom times could lie ahead.
Viva the beachfront!
Voyager
SCIENTISTS can't quite agree whether the spacecraft Voyager-1 has left the Solar System, having completed its mission of exploring the outer planets of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, then headed on into the void of outer space.
Voyager 1 is currently 18 billion kilometres from Earth – 123 times the distance between Earth and the Sun – and some scientists say this means it's gone interstellar. Others say: Not so fast. There's no definitive proof it's left the heliosphere, even though the data now being transmitted is totally different.
Yes, it's somewhat arcane. There's a rather weird analogy with discussing the prospects of Julius Malema, who could be almost 18 billion kilometres away for all we hear of him these days.
Explorer
A MAN WENT to the Canary Islands, but there were no canaries. He then went to the Virgin Islands – there were no canaries there either.
Why ask?
NEWS from Memphis, Tennessee - an extract from a 911 emergency call:
Despatcher: "911. What is your emergency?"
Caller: "I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner."
Despatcher: "Do you have an address?"
Caller: "No, I have on a blouse and slacks. Why?"
Shockers
STUN guns disguised as iPhones and torches are making their way illegally into Australia, customs officers report.
A total 2 600 stun devices – banned in Australia – were intercepted last year, mainly in freight containers. The officers suspect that many more could have made it undetected. They came mainly from Hong Kong, China, the US and Singapore.
There is cause for concern. Most of us find iPhones and other electronic gadgetry difficult enough without getting a jolt of electric current in the ear'ole.
Quiet please!
AN OXFORD librarian has been sacked after being videoed taking part in a Harlem Shake, along with about 30 students. It happened around midnight in the St Hilda's College library and the video later appeared on YouTube.
Students have called for her reinstatement, saying she did not organise the stunt and could not have stopped it.
Five students were fined between £30 (R420) and £60.
The college authorities do seem a little harsh in this matter. It's not as if the culprits were humming loudly or eating sandwiches in the library, which is really serious.
Best friends
WEDNESDAY'S Tailpiece featured a woman who is looking miserable because her husband ran off with her best friend, and she misses the friend.
Reader Pieter Ceronio responds:
"You look very happy. What happened?"
"My wife ran off with my best friend."
"Who is he?"
"I don't know, I haven't met him yet."
Tailpiece
IN A COMPANY computer password audit, it was found that the blonde receptionist used: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy.
Asked why she chose such a long and complicated password, she replied: "They said it had to have at least eight characters"
Last word
It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations.
No comments:
Post a Comment