Love goes digital
NEWS comes this way of a women's seminar held in Durban last week on the fostering of loving relationships. The ladies were asked to text their husbands with the message "I love you, sweetheart", then hand the phone to their neighbour for the reply to be recorded.
Some of the replies:
· Who is this?
· I love you too.
· What now? Did you crash the car again?
· I don't understand?
· What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time.
· ?!?
· Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
· Am I dreaming?
· I told you – lay off the booze!
Disturbing, to be sure. But there's a ring of truth. The gals need to persevere.
In the runs
READER Don Porter notes, apropos last week's piece on the South Africans playing cricket for England, that in England's first innings against New Zealand in the second Test, the four South Africans in the side (products of DHS, Maritzburg College, Rondebosch and King Edward) were all of them among the runs. Their seven team-mates made a mere 76 out of an innings total of 465.
Rub it in! Heh, heh!
Panjandrums
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener waxes somewhat cynical in his latest grumpy newsletter over the activities of the government panjandrums.
"The auditor general's report about how few state-owned and operated entities have a fair grasp of how to run their money is alarming. Equally disturbing is the fact that there are 536 of these organisations. Presumably each one of them has an executive team of worthies all of whom require a corner office, fancy wheels, fact-finding jaunts and programmes to launch with appropriate catering arrangements.
"One of these organisations is a newish government department that claims that their job is 'to make the(ir) lives (of former soldiers) much better after they have ended their careers as soldiers rather than force them to choose a life of being dogs of war and missionaries (sic) …'
"This does nothing to indicate what that department intends to do with the R300million it was granted in the budget. It reckons its beneficiary client base of military veterans could be as many as 56 000, although over at the social grants department the claimants in this category are numbered in hundreds. The sole idea published so far is to erect monuments to those who sadly never got to be veterans."
On another tack: " It seems that the rooms where they store the firearm licences are these days so rat infested that no one wants to work there. Now all we have to do is to get those rats over to the tax collector's offices. Maybe we can send some of the ex-servicemen along to shoot a few. Rats that is."
Dubya daubings
FORMER US President George W Bush has taken up painting. His speciality is dog portraits and the one of his Scotty, named Barney, is - one has to say - pretty good. He is said to work at his painting several hours a day.
Some might wish he'd taken it up full-time, before he unleashed the dogs of war in Iraq.
Tailpiece
A MAJOR charity realises it has never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. It sends a volunteer worker to find out why.
Volunteer: "'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over R10 million, you don't give a cent to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through our charity?"
Lawyer: "Did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
"Er, no."
"Did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and unable to support his wife and six children?"
The charity volunteer starts to stammer an apology.
"Did your research show that my sister's husband died in a car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring private tutors?"
"'I'm so sorry. I had no idea ..."
"So if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"
Last word
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
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