The Idler, Tuesday, September 3, 2012

The Great Escape

AFTER almost 70 years, the tunnel used by Allied prisoners in the Great Escape has been opened up by British archaeologists.

The 100m passage nicknamed "Harry" – two others were "Tom" and "Dick" - was sealed by the Germans after the audacious break-out from the prisoner-of-war camp Stalag Luft III, in western Poland .

Despite huge interest in the subject, encouraged by the film starring Steve McQueen, the tunnel lay undisturbed over the decades because it was behind the Iron Curtain and the Soviet authorities had no interest in it.

In March 1944, 76 Allied airmen, many in fake German uniforms and carrying false identity papers, escaped through Harry. Only three made it back to Britain. Fifty were executed by firing squad on the direct orders of Hitler.

The archaeologists found the tunnel supports, made from bedboards, still largely in place. The ventilation shaft made from powdered milk tins was still in working order.

In spite of the movie - Steve McQueen bouncing his baseball and his antics on the motorcycle - no Americans were involved. The escapers were Brits, Canadians, Poles, New Zealanders, Australians and South Africans.

Those Hollywood scriptwriters certainly can butcher a story.

Hi-tech

 

JEAN-MARIE Spithaels, a stalwart of the St Clement's soirees, has been reading the magazine Paris Match. There he finds a photograph of a technician mending the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

 

In the background is a bicycle. The technicians apparently use bikes to make their way about the 27km underground circuit of the Collider.

 

"A snook cocked at modern technology?"

 

Jean-Marie says the same article informs us that Professor Higgs – of "Boson" fame - doesn't have a television or a computer. He hires somebody to send and receive e-mails and rarely answers the telephone.

 

"I all of a sudden don't feel lonely any more."

 

I suppose Prof Higgs can't answer the phone because he's too busy learning how to ride this new-fangled thing, the bicycle.

 

Two emotions

 

OVERHEARD (between two lovelies) at the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see a gleam in his eye, make him a sandwich."

 

Fragrant memories

 

LAST week's bit on Izak van Heerden brought back for Ann Shedlock fragrant memories of Cuban cigars.

 

"Izak, an avid cigar smoker, used to give me his wonderful empty Cuban-made balsawood cigar boxes. They had the most glorious aroma with flamboyant illustrations on them. They made very grand treasure troves for a little girl's trinkets."

 

Ann's Dad, Sas Nourse, was a contemporary of Izak van Heerden at DHS – a science master and also a rugby coach.

 

*Due to an unfortunate editing glitch, last Friday's piece referred to Izak van Heerden as having been coach of the Sharks. Van Heerden – a rugby genius – was, of course, Natal rugby coach in the amateur era when the name "Sharks" had not even been dreamed up.

 

 

 

Testimonials? MICHEL Pearce, of Morningside, is a connoisseur of those cure-all pamphlets in rainbow colours that are handed out at traffic lights – pregnancy difficulties, family matters, stopping drugs and alcohol … and so forth. Now she's got a classier one through her postbox – magenta on white paper – in which an astrologer offers to show her the future in a bowl of water plus "avoid testimonials". Whatever can this mean? It recalls the case of Paddy explaining to Mick how his job interview suddenly went wrong. "It was goin' fine, Mick. And den dey asked to see my testimonials, and dat's where I made my big mistake!"

Home-grown HERE'S a plea for economic patriotism If SARS issues each of us an average of R3 120 in tax refund and we spend  that money in the clothing stores, the money all goes to China . If we spend it on petrol, it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it goes to India. Put down a deposit  on a good car and the money goes to Germany. Buy a junk car and it goes Taiwan. Buy local! Spend your refund on dagga, wine and beer and support the South African economy. >

Tailpiece

She: "We need to talk."

He: "What now?"

She: "All we do these days is argue. We used to get along so well. We need to start talking the same language."

He: "OK. Mo-o-o-o-o!"

 

 

Last word

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. Philip K Dick

Philip K. Dick