Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The Idler, Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Music, music, music

GOODNESS gracious, great balls of fire … In these stressed times we can still find oases of normality. While the Metro Police are beating up the centre of Durban and the politicians are waxing hysterical across the entire country, there still are places you can escape the madness.

On Saturday classical violin superstar Joshua Bell will be playing with the KZN Symphony Orchestra in the same city hall the cops were threatening to burn down. There are places you can listen to old-style jazz and old-style rock 'n roll.

One such is the Merseyside pub, down in Umbilo, to which I repaired last Saturday expecting to listen to tin pan alley jazz. Instead they had a medley of old-style rock – Great Balls of Fire, Blue Suede Shoes, Go Sally Go – and country numbers like Blueberry Hill. Wonderful, and a reminder of how much fun rock 'n roll was when it began.

A comely young lady – far too young to actually remember the early days of rock – was jiving away without inhibition as if she were in the aisle of the Princes Theatre, and she smothered my companion and I with hugs and kisses as the music reached a crescendo. Most gratifying.

Yes, escape is the name of the game. And the jazz will be back in a fortnight. Politics forsooth! Let the good times roll!

Game granny

AMERICAN Grandmother Diana Nyad, aged 63, has given up on her fourth attempt to swim from Cuba to the US after being circled by sharks and stung repeatedly by jellyfish and then finally being hit by a storm which threatened to sink her support boats.

She had been hoping to become the first person to swim the 165km between Havana and Florida without a shark cage.

Australian Susie Maroney successfully swam the Florida Straits in 1997, but she was protected by a shark cage.

Will Granny Nyad make a fifth attempt? She shows a determination that borders on the obsessive. Maybe she should take out Cuban citizenship. Then she'd swim the Florida Straits in fine style, eating the sharks on the way.

Right direction


SOME aphorisms to keep us pointed in the right direction:


·        The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

·        Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

·        If you don't have a sense of humour; you probably don't have any sense at all.

·        Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

·        A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

·        How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

·        Business conventions are important. They demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

·        Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

·        Scratch a cat ..  and you have a permanent job.

·        No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

·        There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

·        No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

·        I've reached the age where "happy hour" is a nap.

·        Be careful about reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

·        The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

·        Do you realise that in about 40 years we'll have thousands of old people running around with tattoos and body piercings?

·        Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac

·        After 60 if you don't wake up aching in every joint you're probably dead.

·        Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind ... and the ones that mind don't matter.

·        Life isn't tied with a bow ... but it's still a gift.




AN AMERICAN yuppie opens his car door. Another car speeding past smashes into it, ripping it off completely. He stands there wailing: "My car! My car! My beautiful car!"


A policeman says: "Don't you realise your arm's been ripped off as well?"


"My Rolex! My Rolex!"



Last word


The only thing I like about rich people is their money. – Nancy Astor

Nancy Astor




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