Time, gentlemen!
NOW HERE'S an interesting idea. There are 26 000 shebeens in South Africa. Every week South African Breweries successfully delivers enough crates of beer to them. They never go short.
There are also 26 000 schools in the country (or so this e-mail claims) and, after a year of planning, the government cannot deliver textbooks to all of them.
We do not have a skills crisis - we have a management crisis. The solution to the problem is therefore to fire the entire cabinet and appoint South African Breweries to run the country. (Actually I thought they already did – the important parts anyway).
What an elegant solution. It seems it's already happening. It was SAB who got in before our diplomats, rescuing kayaker Davey du Plessis when he was attacked on the Amazon.
Yes, if the politicians can't manage things it's time they stepped aside for the private sector. To stick with the breweries idiom: Time gentlemen, please!
Is it art?
IT'S EXTRAORDINARY this fixation local artists seem to have with the, er, attributes of President Zuma. Has such a thing ever occurred anywhere else in the world?
Quite apart from questions of taste, is it art? The heroic nude statuary of ancient Greece and Rome was surely something very different.
Perhaps JZ and Prince Harry should form a club.
Why Isaac?
HOW DID THE hurricane lashing Louisiana come to be called "Isaac". I know feminists objected to hurricanes always being given female names – the stereotype of the furiously rampaging bimbo – and they now alternate between male and female (though Katrina showed herself to be quite a bimbo).
But Isaac? The Isaac of the Bible was a gentle soul, not a roughneck like his brother Esau. One associates the name Isaac with academics in horn-rimmed spectacles (though I suppose Natal rugby coach Izak van Heerden was a bit of an exception), not with a wreaking of devastation.
Those guys in the US weather bureau need more imagination. There's plenty to draw on. How about Hurricane Joe Louis, Hurricane Muhammad Ali and Hurricane Sugar Ray Robinson? These were noted wreakers of devastation.
What question?
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "Alcohol is not the answer. But it does make you forget the question."
Red faces?
WHO HAVE the reddest faces in rugby? If it's not the SARU people, they must have the hide of a particularly thick-skinned rhinoceros after the Lions' stirring defeat of Western Province last weekend.
It always was a travesty that South Africa's largest city – Johannesburg – should have no team in the Super Rugby competition. Now it's sheer lunacy, compounded if they do well against Griquas tomorrow. The Lions are, after all, the Currie Cup champions.
Yet next season's place in the Super Competition is to go to a scratched-together outfit from Port Elizabeth. Crazy!
Have we heard the last of this? The other Sanzar countries – not to mention the sponsors and the TV networks – no doubt have their opinions.
Kill at No 10
LARRY, the Downing Street cat, has at last won his spurs. He will not be put into retirement at the Battersea home for dogs and cats. He's killed a mouse.
The act of feline savagery occurred while Prime Minister David Cameron was on holiday in Spain, then Cornwall. But the kill has been confirmed by staff at the British prime minister's London residence.
Larry was introduced to No 10 last year after a rat scuttled across the doorstep of the famous residence during a live television broadcast. But he's been a slow starter and it was not until this week that he actually killed a mouse. There had been talk that he might be rusticated to Battersea.
The Brits will be relieved. There will be no need now to dress Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, in colourful costume so that he can become a Pied Piper to lead the rats and mice away.
Tailpiece
Husband: "I want to speak to that fellow you arrested for breaking into my house."
Police officer: "Why?"
Husband: "I want to know how he got in without waking my wife."
Last word
What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. – Oscar Wilde
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