To compile a mugshot
WHAT next with DNA technology? Scientists say they are working on being able to produce police mugshots from DNA found at the scene of a crime.
A Professor Manfred Keyser, of the Erasmus University Medical Centre in Rotterdam, the Netherlands, says it seems only five genes determine what kind of face a person has.
The Dutch research team has used magnetic resonance imaging scans and portrait photographs to map facial features. These were then matched against DNA variants in almost 10 000 individuals.
Prof Keyser says: "These are exciting first results that mark the beginning of the genetic understanding of human facial morphology. Perhaps some time it will be possible to draw a phantom portrait of a person solely from his or her DNA left behind, which provides interesting applications such as in forensics."
Yes, quite. But is this not a little far-fetched? Conducting independent research the other evening, it seemed impossible that the range of squinty eyes, beaked noses, blubber lips, low foreheads, chinlessness and general vacuity of expression could be attributed to only five genes?
Yes, it was at the Street Shelter for the Over-40s (and I was looking only at the men!) Perhaps I need to cast my net wider.
Phone fury
WHO IS HEYNEKE Meyer talking to when he yells furiously into a mobile phone during the course of a rugby Test? Former Ireland international Sam Hutton thinks it must be his wife.
Sam, who played front rank for Ireland in days of yore and probably taught Willie-John McBride how to scrum, now lives in Kloof and ended his rugby career coaching Hillcrest Villagers 3rd XV.
"I've never had the distinction of being an international rugby coach, so I can only imagine the pressures they are exposed to," he says. "Watching Heyneke Meyer communicate with 'whoever' during a game - I'm assuming it's his Missus - the pressures must be considerable.
"However, I did have the distinction of being player/coach for Hillcrest Villagers 3rds in the 1990s and I often meet some of my old team-mates at Tina's Hotel in Kloof, where we watch the Boks on a Saturday.
"We watch with dismay and disbelief at the tactics. Yet the Springboks have the potential to be magnificent.
"In the 1990s the Villagers were not so well funded as now, and the Thirds had only one new ball for the season. We were encouraged not to kick it too much as it wore it out quickly. Amazingly, we often won games because the backs ran the ball. Little did the spectators know that we had no choice. I loved that team."
Sam captures here the essence of rugby, whether at international or lower league club level. He says that if Villagers were to advertise today for a head coach for their 3rd XV, he hopes he would stand a chance in competition with Heyneke Meyer.
"Think of the money they would save on cellphone calls to my Missus during the game."
Removers
MEANWHILE, an e-mail is doing the rounds. A shot of a bottle of detergent is labelled: "Excellent stain remover". A shot of Heyneke Meyer is labelled: "Terrible Steyn remover".
Currency bust
TWO MEN HAVE been arrested in Colombia for trying to smuggle in about $40 000 in foreign currency. They had swallowed the banknotes, which were picked up by an X-ray scanner at Medellin airport as they went through customs.
The police say they were involved in a money laundering scheme. The cash has been recovered but the police have released no details of how this was achieved.
Yes, spare us that!
Sudden company
A COUPLE were fast asleep in their upstairs bedroom in Epsom, Surrey, in England, when all of a sudden they had company. A car had gone out of control on a bend outside, mounted another parked car then flown 80 feet through the air and crashed through the outside wall into their bedroom.
The couple were not hurt. The three occupants of the car were treated in hospital for minor injuries.
As the old Scots prayer has it: Things that go bump in the night.
Tailpiece
"I'm really not that kind of girl."
"I believe ya."
"You're the very first."
"The first to sleep with ya?"
"No, the first to believe me."
Last word
Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
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