Wisdom of the ancients
WE IGNORE the classics at our peril. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said: "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied."Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the triple filter test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary."
"So," Socrates continued. "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued: "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates. "If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was bonking his wife.
We hereby deem …
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener takes issue with the government's assumption of the right to "deem" this, that and the other. In his latest grumpy newsletter, it is prompted by issues in the iron and steel sector.
"Iron and steel seem to trigger a very bad response in politicians all over the world. From time to time they reach the conclusion that the folk and businesses that actually produce and use the stuff are in sore need of help and advice.
"The fact that most politicians have never run anything except to the luncheon buffet does not discourage them from interfering in the processes of producing and selling this rather useful metal. The latest piece of nonsense in this regard is the declaration by our wise government that they 'will deem steel to be local even if it is imported'. This glorious foolishness is necessary to get themselves out of an embarrassing situation caused by some prior meddling in the market place.
"Bureaucrats should be forbidden to use this delightful and powerful word unsupervised. In January they deemed that pretty much any school leaver who had managed to find the examination hall and write their name on an answer book was eligible to go to university and read for a bachelor's degree. This was a cruel and misleading deem."
We deem further …
YES, THE GOLVERNMENT has always been pretty hot on deeming. In the old railway regulations, there was an item: "For the purpose of these regulations, a horse shall be deemed to be an ox …"
Wonderful, the powers of bureaucracy.
Unsafe for pirates
THE CRUISE liner industry has had its share of setbacks on the high seas recently. Now American satirist Andy Borowitz says Somali pirates are refusing to board cruise liners, citing "unsafe working conditions".
He quotes a pirate spokesman: If the cruise ship industry thinks that it's going to be business as usual between them and the Somali pirates, they need to have their heads examined.We Somali pirates may be bold, but we're not crazy."
He also quotes a spokesman for the cruise liner industry saying all companies are working overtime to win back the pirates' trust.
That's reassuring. It's simply unacceptable that pirates should board a vessel in good faith, only to have its engines break down or it runs onto the rocks.
Tailpiece
SMALL boy: "Grandma, how old are you?"
"I'm not sure."
"You should look in your underwear."
"My underwear?"
"Mine says: 'Four to six.'"
Last word
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
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