Piecing it together
THREE fellows woke up in their digs on the Gold Coast, in Queensland, Australia, with bad hangovers and company in the living room – a live penguin.
Piecing together events of the previous evening, and consulting video footage on a cellphone, it seemed that after a bender they'd broken into the aquarium at a theme park , stripped to their Y-fronts to swim with the dolphins then kidnapped a young fairy penguin.
Somewhat remorseful, they released the penguin into a canal, where it was spotted by a passer-by who caught it and returned it to the aquarium.
But the lads – two Brits and an Aussie – then made the big mistake of posting the footage of their lark on the internet. Next thing the fuzz were knocking on their door and they're due to appear in court on a string of charges.
It's an almost exact repeat of an incident in Maritzburg in days of yore.
Some fellows woke up in their digs with bad hangovers and company in their living room – a live goose.
Piecing things together (there were no cellphones or video in those days) it seemed they'd been on a bender then visited their old school (St Charles), where they decided to relieve the brothers (or "crows" as they were known) of one of their geese.
One of these chaps - a renowned tackler on the rugby field – set his sights on a particular goose and gave chase. He chased it right through a pond, all kinds of other geese and ducks scattering noisily on either side, dive-tackled it and triumphantly bore it back to the digs.
Somewhat remorseful next day, they decided to return it that night, which they quietly did – before they went out on another bender. There was no boastful YouTube by which they could betray themselves.
But a goose does make a terrible mess cooped up in a living room for a day.
Bible studies
A SUNDAY school child reviews the Book of Genesis:
In the beginning, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says: "The Lord thy God is one," but I think he must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said: "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden.
Here endeth the lesson.
Cow on run
YVONNE, the cow who escaped the slaughterhouse by busting through an electric fence then going on the run for months in the Bavarian countryside, is to feature in a Hollywood movie.
While hunters went after her with guns and helicopters, animal rights activists competed, trying to attract her with recordings of the romantic mooing of a handsome young bull named Ernst.
Eventually they managed to dart and drug her and take her to the Gut Aiderbichl animal sanctuary.
Now a film titled Cow On The Run is to be made by the Munich-based film company Papa Loewe and American film producer Max Howard.
So Yvonne is safe. They don't tell us if Ernst will also feature in the movie.
Recommended Stories
Spare him
THE ABOVE recalls the lines of Ogden Nash
Pray, butcher, spare yon tender calf!
Accept my plea on his behalf;
He's but a babe, too young by far
To perish in the abattoir.
Oh, cruel butcher, let him feed
And gambol on the verdant mead;
Let clovertops and grassy banks
Fill out those childish ribs and flanks.
Then may we, at some future meal,
Pitch into beef, instead of veal.
You don't have to be a vegan to find them somewhat disturbing.
Tailpiece
HUNG Chow phones work and says: "Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok."
The boss: "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow phones again: "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at wok soon. You got nice house."
Last word
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
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