Princess on walkabout
PRINCESS Anne, Princess Royal of Britain, has been in South Africa as part of the walkabout of the Commonwealth by Queen Elizabeth's children and grandchildren, to mark the diamond jubilee of her reign.
Prince Harry recently returned from a similar mission to the West Indies and South America. But satirical magazine Private Eye was not impressed.
"PRINCE HARRY DISGRACES ROYAL FAMILY SHOCK", declares a headline.
"At the end of his royal tour of South America and the West Indies, commentators expressed their dismay at Prince Harry's conduct while representing Her Majesty the Queen.
"'This is not what we expect from senior members of the Royal Family,' said one observer.
"'Everywhere he went he behaved himself and went out of his way not to offend anyone.
"'It was frankly not embarrassing,' he continued. 'Where were the jokes about watermelons? Why didn't he play golf with a dictator and accept a freebie into the bargain? He didn't even get drunk, smoke dope or wear a Nazi uniform.'"
"His grandfather is said to be 'dismayed' at the younger generation's lack of antics whilst on official duties.
"Said one source close to HRH the Duke of Edinburgh: 'What the hell is the blithering idiot playing at, making friends and influencing people? This could be the end of the Firm as we know it. Bloody hell!'
"Prince Philip is 94."
Well, what can Princess Anne do to avoid incurring the wrath of Private Eye? Maybe she'll have to do something spectacularly controversial – like follow the Hollywood celebs by announcing her adoption of Julius Malema.
Ulundi lion
IT'S A STRANGE case this, the lion that was spotted wandering around Ulundi but has now turned out to be two hyenas – which are still at large.
Information is rather sparse. What time of night or day were the sightings? Is there a shebeen anywhere in the vicinity?
The bush can play tricks on the senses late at night, especially in the vicinity of shebeens. People have been known to shake hands with acacia trees. Lions and hyenas sometimes have top hats and monocles. It's the magic of the bush.
Tory convert
A LITTLE lesson in political philosophy comes this way from England. The narrator says he was working on the flower beds in his front garden when neighbours stopped to chat as they returned from walking their dog.
"I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day. Both parents are staunch members of the Labour Party. I asked her: 'If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?'
"She replied: 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed with pride.
"'Wow, what a worthy goal!' I said. 'But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that'..
"'What do you mean?'
"'You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you £50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and you can give him the £50 to use toward food and a new house.'
"She thought that over for a few seconds then she looked me straight in the eye and asked: 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the £50?'
"I said: 'Welcome to the Conservative Party.'
"Now her parents aren't speaking to me."
New mayor
THE SMALLEST town in the US has been sold on an internet auction to a Vietnamese businessman after 11 minutes of frenzied bidding.
Buford, in south-east Wyoming, has only one resident, the man who put it up for sale. But it does have a convenience store, a petrol station, a three-bedroom home, and 10 acres of land. Plus a mobile phone tower and a car park that a trucking company uses to switch trailers at night.
It sounds idyllic. Presumably the new owner becomes mayor. I wonder how the rates compare with Durban's?
Tailpiece
TEXT message:
"Hi Honey I'm at the bar having drinks with some friends. Finishing my last drink and will be home in 30 minutes. If I'm not just read this message again."
Last word
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
No comments:
Post a Comment