Durban does the Hokey-Cokey
You put your bus fleet in,
You put your bus fleet out,
You put your bus fleet in,
You shake it all about …
THE VAGARIES of Durban's transport service are more complicated to follow than the steps of the Hokey-Cokey. Now, it seems, the council is about to take over running buses again.
Insofar as one is able to follow the dance steps, the council sold its bus service to private operators for R70 million, which seemed at the time a snip for the buyers. Then it bought the buses back again for R405 million. This might seem like economic madness, but in Hokey-Cokey terms it's no doubt a brilliant shimmy.
Another private operator was found to run a much-reduced service on a month-by-month basis. And now the municipality wants to take over the whole thing again. We're back where we started.
You do the Hokey-Cokey,
You turn it inside out,
That's what it's all about …
Striptease
ST CLEMENT'S broke new ground this week with Up And Under, a hilariously raunchy rugby review featuring Pieter Scholtz (who wrote the piece) Pat Smythe (aka Spyker Koekemoer), James Parker (on guitar) and Phillipa Savage (one of Pieter's former drama students).
The lyrics were of a coarseness which is not usual at this weekly soiree of folk who follow the arts and enjoy a glass or two of wine plus din-dins. I'd had no idea that Pieter has such a wide-ranging vocabulary. The audience were urged throughout to chant "Fifty million sheep!" as the plot unfolded of a rugby trip Down Under to Auckland, in the Land of the Long White Nightshirt.
Piece de resistance was without doubt the striptease. Spyker's face was a study as his girlfriend began to strip off in front of a whole bunch of strangers. Except she wasn't really his girlfriend, this was just part of the act. Or was she his girlfriend? You begin to lose track of things, life imitates art.
It was an absolute hoot, though I think some of the rugby folk who came along were a little shaken by the lyrics. They're sensitive souls, not accustomed to bawdiness and coarseness.
Next week things get back to normal, more or less, with a talk and slide show by Durban artist Andrew Verster, who will engage in discussion of his work. Striptease seems unlikely.
But Up And Under should not be consigned to oblivion. It would be a great idea for Pieter and the rest to put it on for the KZN Rugby Union, maybe in the Duikers' Club or somewhere.
Unhappy hooker
THERE'S a bit of a flurry in the US Secret Service following a flaming row in a hotel lobby in Colombia between a Secret Service agent and a lady who was volubly demanding more cash from him.
The Secret Service agents had been in Colombia to see to security arrangements for a visit by President Barack Obama. Now several have been suspended while the whole thing is investigated.
Meanwhile, American satirist Andy Borowitz reports that the International Alliance of Professional Escorts – which represents hookers worldwide – has downgraded the credit rating of the US from AAA to B.
"We are urging our members to avoid conducting transactions with the United States and to focus on more reliable customers like the International Monetary Fund," the Alliance is quoted saying.
Borowitz adds that the US Congress has passed a resolution blasting the Secret Service. "We strongly denounce the Secret Service for consorting with prostitutes, which has traditionally been Congress's role."
He says applications to join the Secret Service have jumped 5 000 percent.
Heh, heh!
| Tailpiece A BUSLOAD of politicians were driving along a country road when the bus suddenly ran off and crashed into a farmer's field. "Were they all dead?" "Well, some of them said they weren't. But you know how those politicians lie." |
Last word
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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