Piranha peril in Brazil
HERE'S a challenge for the tourism marketing authorities in Brazil.
Thousands of pirhana – small, razor-toothed, flesh-eating fish that
are said to be able to reduce any mammal to a skeleton in a matter of
minutes – have invaded a bathing beach.
Fifteen people have been bitten at Daveron, a beach on the Paraguay
River in Mato Grosso state, a place where piranha had not been
encountered before.
Those bitten have had the savvy to get out of the water fast, before
their blood could spread and attract the shoals in their thousands,
but it is not a happy situation..
Perhaps, as new members of the Bric alignment – Brazil, Russia, India,
China – we should send across some of our politicians to stomp about
in the water to scare off the piranha, the way we traditionally scare
off crocodiles.
Sports scribe writes
FORMER colleague Mike McGrath – a sports scribe – is these days
located in Hong Kong. But he's travelled the world a bit, as this
message from him indicates:
"I've been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently
you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
"I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognises you there.
"I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have
to be driven there. I've made several trips there, thanks to my
friends, family and work.
"I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not
too much on physical activity anymore.
"I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not
to visit there too often.
"I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
"Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
"One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense. It really gets the
adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart. At my age I need all the
stimuli I can get.
"And sometimes I think I'm in Vincible but life shows me I am not.
"I have been in Deepdwang many times; the older I get, the easier it
is to get there."
Thank you, Mike. I presume you've never been in Toxicated.

More chalk!
A GIRL IN London had a coughing, sneezing fit the other day. Then
suddenly she coughed up the tip of a pool cue.
It seems that 14 years ago she got into a bit of a clinch with a guy
in a poolroom. He had his pool cue in the crook of his arm and the cue
went up her nostril. Somehow the tip came off in her nose and
eventually made its way into her sinus, where it lodged quite happily
for all those years until now.
They don't tell us how the game of pool turned out. Lots of chalk, I imagine.

Up a gum tree

IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, breaks his vow to never again
write about Julius Malema.

The Youth League is spitting more fire,
Its leader making threats that are dire;
But between you and me,
He's up a gum tree,
And quite clearly he's deep in the mire.

Tailpiece

A MAN IS accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking tramp who
asks for a couple of rands for dinner. He says: "If I give you R10
will you buy beer with it instead of dinner?

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago."

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?"

"No, I don't waste my time fishing. I spend my time struggling to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?"

"Are you nuts? I haven't played golf in 20 years."

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?"

"What would I get for 10 lousy bucks? No way!"

"Well, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead I'm going to take
you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

"But won't your wife be furious? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell
pretty disgusting."

"That's okay. It's important that she should see what a man looks like
when he's given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

Last word

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen