IT'S NOT A good idea to chuck the little lady's engagement ring into
the trashcan. American Brian McGuinn did just that when he mistakenly
dumped his wife's sparkler along with his old razor blade.
He ended up donning special protective gear and wading through tons of
rubbish at the town tip outside Margate, Florida. Then, incredibly,
after 30 minutes he found it – a tiny glimmer through some black
sludge wedged between two brown bags.
"It was nastiness you wouldn't believe," he says. "It was absolutely
disgusting. It stank beyond belief. Everything unsanitary you could
think of crossed my path at least a couple of times."
Why didn't he just buy another Christmas cracker?
Sunrise tomorrow
SCIENTISTS IN Switzerland have rechecked and they find their
measurements at the Cern project do in fact suggest that particles
known as neutrinos travel faster than the speed of light. They arrive
at their destination 60 billionths of a second faster.
The results – still to be reviewed by the scientific community –
apparently stand physics on their head. The idea that nothing can
exceed the speed of light in a vacuum forms a cornerstone in physics -
first laid out by James Clerk Maxwell and later incorporated into
Albert Einstein's theory of relativity.
Yet the sun will rise tomorrow. These chaps at Cern really need to get
on to the key question: How many angels can balance on the point of a
needle?
Rhino tragedy
READER Norma Thomas, of Forest Hills, joins the dismay over the
extinction of the Javanese rhino in Vietnam.
"I do not understand why many humans have so little regard for an
animal that they can kill the beautiful creature for a horn.
Wonderful people will get a tractor and pull a mother elephant and her
calf out of mud where they would surely have died and, around the
corner, a poacher is busy shooting an elephant for its tusk.
"My question is: Will there ever be a time when we all can say :
'Enough is enough, I will respect every one of God's creations whether
they be human, animal, bird or insect as well as respect Gaia, our
mother earth'? I think there is a rise in consciousness but how long
will it take for us humans to come to our senses?"
Good question.
The Sun sez
BRITAIN'S red-top tabloid, the Sun , has gone into paroxisms of rage
at FIFA chief Sepp Blatter over his naïve (but hardly inflammatory)
remark that racism on the football pitch can be settled with a
handshake.
"SPLATTER BLATTER" shrieks its main front page headline. "Let's dump
FIFA chump." Then the report: "The Sun today calls on every
right-thinking fan to rise up and boot bungling Sepp Blatter out of
football.
"The 75-year-old FIFA boss is clinging to power despite sparking fury
by claiming racism on the pitch could be forgotten with a handshake.
"So we ask all those who want racism out of footie to join our
campaign to kick the Swiss chief into touch."
Inside, the campaign unfolds. "SUN CAMPAIGN TO GET RID OF FIFA
BUFFOON". A full-page photograph of Blatter's visage shows him being
pelted with all things Swiss: bits of Toblerone chocolate, cuckoo
clocks, the Red Cross, the William Tell overture, a fondue set … .
Then a rant in which Sun readers are asked to sign a petition against
Blatter. "Shameless FIFA president Sepp Blatter last night apologised
for his footie racism blunder – but the Sun today still calls for him
to be shown the red card …"
Yah! Boo! Sucks! They mentioned buffoonery?
No connection
OF COURSE, the fuss has nothing whatever to do with FIFA's failure to
award England the hosting of the next Football World Cup.
Tailpiece
A MISSIONARY to Papua-New Guinea is teaching English to the locals. He
takes the headman of the village for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says: "Tree."
"Tree," says the headman.
The missionary points to a rock : "Rock."
"Rock," says the headman.
There's a rustling in the bushes. As they peer over the top, a couple
are in flagrante delicto. Flustered and embarrassed, the missionary
says: "Man riding bike."
The headman pulls out his blowgun and poison darts them both.
Missionary (highly distressed): "Why?"
Headman: "My bike!"
Last word
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway
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