California drama
EINA! A naked car hijacker was tackled and brought to the ground by a police dog in California, after a 30-mile chase by car and helicopter.
It began in the town of Irvine when the thief (still wearing his gear at that stage) took a luxury Hummer from a chauffeur at gunpoint.
The chauffeur phoned 911 and the chase ensued. Then smoke came from the Hummer's tyres as they reached the town of Whittier and the fugitive slammed on brakes. Then he emerged from the car stark naked and ran into a residential neighbourhood, the police dog giving chase.
It's not known why the thief stripped, what injuries the dog might have inflicted nor indeed what arrangements have been made for the identification parade. Will he be in his gear or in the nude?
Never a dull moment in California.
Sad, desperate folk
THE OTHER night I happened to be chatting to a fellow who works as usher in a west London crown court. We agreed that in the courts you see life in the raw. He said the most distressing thing was the drug mules who came through his court after being nabbed at Heathrow airport.
They were invariably desperately poor people, often very naive, who were being used by the big pushers, who themselves got away scot free. It was the pushers the authorities should be after, he said, not so much the mules.
But at least his crown court doesn't order lethal injections.
In this very sad case of Janice Linden, is there any attempt to find out who got her to take drugs into China? He should be tracked down then sent to China for trial and sentencing.
Slavishness
HOW HARD did the people from Foreign Affairs (or whatever they call themselves these days) fight for clemency in Janice Linden's case? The parliamentary opposition are rightly asking questions.
Would it have helped to mention the Dalai Lama and the way he was treated here? Probably not. Slavishness breeds contempt, not a sense of obligation.
New friends
THERE was something particularly grisly and remorseless about the whole thing. So much for our new friends in Bric. Some of us feel more at home in the Commonwealth. Some maybe not.
Girls and cars
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Tailpiece
TRING, tring!
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, your caretaker at the country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What's wrong?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."
"Rotten meat? Who fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. "
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred Arab, Senor Rod."
"Midnight Prince, my prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my beautiful mansion caught fire because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
" Funeral? What funeral?"
"Your wife's Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
Silence … long silence.
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver you're in big trouble!"
Last word
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
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