TWO LEGENDARY Canadian footballers – and longtime adversaries – got
into a punch-up the other night at a dinner arranged in honour of both
of them. Each is 73.
It started when Joe Kapp, formerly a British Columbia Lions
quarterback, tried to present a flower to Angelo Mosca, once a
linesman with Hamilton Tigers. Mosca took umbrage and rejected the
gesture (perhaps the flower was a pansy – we're not told).
Kapp then lunged at Mosca, who retaliated by swinging his walking
stick at him. Kapp socked Mosca in the jaw and they exchanged more
blows before onlookers separated them.
It seems the grudge goes back to 1963 when Mosca made a questionable
tackle on one of Kapp's team-mates.
Rugby dinners are very different, of course. We armwrestle, we throw
breadrolls and we tip pints of beer over one another, but it's all in
a good spirit. We don't dwell on the past.
Mind you, Ulli Schmidt had better not meet me in a dark alley. That
Currie Cup final and Tony Watson ... ...
Fatties ahoy!
You can 'ave 'er,
Oi don't want 'er,
'Er's too fat for Oi ...
BRITAIN has the fattest women in Europe, according to figures released
by the European Union. Almost a quarter of women in the United Kingdom
can be classified obese. The menfolk are not too far behind.
The next fattest are to be found in Malta and Hungary.
Why this should be is not explained. But events like the women's
hurdles could be a hoot at next year's Olympics.
Prep school
READER Richard Isemonger, of Hillcrest – "a boy of 71 years" – takes
issue with the recent report in this newspaper on the desirability of
same sex schools, including Raphael Lipschitz's swipe at boys throwing
paper aeroplanes about.
"The design of paper aeroplanes is still a skill and not worthy of
ridicule. In my days at school in Tanganyika and Kenya, we had already
standardised on folded wing flaps and those steadying wing tip
aerofoils that Boeing and Airbus seem to have now pinched off us.
"The British Vulcan bomber's delta wings, (1950s) must surely have
been a crib from a schoolboy. Unlike those plebs who could only make
paper darts that dived to the ground, we worked on airborne time on a
glide. So whilst boys do create distractions and attract an audience,
Raphael must not write them off entirely.
"However, I don't think she would have appreciated the other antics at
school there. A dart fitted with a modified nib from the old inkwell
and pen days, made a serious missile - as did our blowpipes made from
laboratory glass tubes, loaded with a cactus thorn.
"I would not admit to using these things so I must use Bill Clinton's
immortal phrase: 'I didn't inhale!'"
Yes, there's nothing to compare with a traditional prep school education.
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Tailpiece
A BUSINESSMAN returns a day early from a trip. It's after midnight.
He suspects his wife has been having an affair. This is the ideal
opportunity for an entrapment. On the way home asks the cab driver to
come in with him and be a witness. The cabby agrees to do it for R500.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and the cabby tiptoe into the
bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back,
and there is his wife in bed with another man.
The husband whips out a gun and puts it to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts: "'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited
money. He paid for the Porsche I gave you. He paid for our new cabin
cruiser.
He paid for your rugby season tickets. He paid for our house at the lake.
He paid for your golf vacation. He paid for our country club
membership and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head, the husband lowers the gun, looks over to the cabby
and says: "What would you do?"
Cabby: "I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches cold."
Last word
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest
proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen
from time to time.
Edward P Tryon
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