The Idler, Wednesday, December 28, 2011

It's a jungle AS THE FESTIVE season rolls on, police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs of a male date-drug. They are urged to be alert and to stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females are using a date-drug that is on the market under the name "beer". The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles or cans or from taps. It is also found in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of  beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desire to sleep with women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. If you fall victim to this "beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimised men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.   Careful, fellows. It's a jungle out there.
Small town ways   A RECENT piece recalled the case of a letter that was successfully delivered to the intended recipient at a rural post office in Zululand, the address consisting only of: "Elderly Zulu, Speaks English, PO Ntingwe."   It reminds reader Gary Usher, a storekeeper at Wasbank, way out in the bundu about 50 km from Dundee in northern KZN, of an incident about 20 years ago when his young son, Paul, needed flu medication.   Their driver, Khuzwayo, went into Dundee to pick up various items. When he got to the chemist's, they knew nothing about pills for Paul (his mum had forgotten to phone through – nor did the chemist or his assistants know the Ushers).   "Good old Khuzwayo stood his ground and was adamant that he could not leave without pills for the sick Paul. The chemist and the assistants were most helpful, asking how old this child was? Where did he live, etc? Eventually someone knew someone who had a child by the name of Paul. The chemist traced us under the Helpmekaar section of the telephone directory and was able to tell us that someone had arrived to collect pills for Paul. Did Paul belong to us?   "There's a lot to be said for small towns . The diligent Khuzwayo arrived back home with the pills."       Belgian bust POLICE in Belgium have discovered 11 Nile crocodiles and one alligator, kept illegally at a home in the village of Lapscheure, in the north of the country. They have been taken to an animal rescue centre, from which an appropriate home will be sought for them.   We're not told where in the villager's home they were kept. The bathtub, taking it in turns? Nor are we told why the villager kept crocs and an alligator.   But the Belgian police are obviously on top of things. I wonder when they'll do something about that dreadful little fellow urinating in public in the centre of Brussels?   Food breakdown   SCIENTISTS have discovered that we live on only about a third of the food we eat. Health farms, gymnasiums and diet pill manufacturers live on the other two thirds.       Tailpiece   WHAT'S the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker after a market crash? The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Merc.     Last word   After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. Fred Thompson