Now is the biter bit
You cannot hope to bribe or twist
Thank God the British journalist.
But considering what the man will do
Unbribed there's no occasion to.
HILAIRE Belloc's little jingle came constantly to mind this week as Piers Morgan, former editor of the News of the World and of the Mirror, was called to give televised evidence before the Leveson inquiry, Britain's investigation of the ethics and culture of the newspaper industry.
For those of us who have always found the smug self-righteousness of Fleet Street's red-top tabloids as nauseating as their prurience, it was exquisitely funny to watch the chippily self-assured Morgan come up against a judge and barristers who operate to an entirely different value system – and are calling the shots.
In spite of the chippiness, Morgan did not fare well. He was strangely unable to recall all kinds of things that seem to have occurred during his editorship of both titles – some of which he seems to more or less confirm or hint at in self-aggrandising books he had earlier written about his time in Fleet Street.
Quite apart from phone-hacking, it will be interesting to see if Lord Leveson agrees with Morgan's assumption that going through the rubbish bins of celebrities is a normal part of news-gathering and not an invasion of privacy.
Truly is the biter bit.
Celebrity
BRITISH satirical magazine Private Eye always used to refer to Morgan as Piers "Moron" Morgan. Lately it has become Piers "Morgan" Moron. Will there be another shift?
It was quite breathtaking to hear Morgan – today a broadcaster in the
As Private Eye are also fond of saying: "Pass the sickbag,
Xmas code for dogs
MARILYN van Driesen appears to communicate well with animals. She sends in a list of Dogs' Rules for Christmas.
- Be especially patient with your humans. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long, comforting dog cuddles.
- They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
- Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
- They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for humans, so there are some things you need to know. Don't widdle on the tree; don't drink the water in the container that holds it; mind your tail when near the tree; if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or have your name on them, don't rip them open.
- Your humans may invite lots of strangers to visit. These parties can be lots of fun, but not all strangers appreciate kisses and cleans. Don't eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach unless you can get away with it.
- A big fat man in red, with a white beard and a very loud laugh, may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. Don't bite him!
Good boy!
Cat's treat
TREAT your cat this Christmas. Give him a dead leaf from outside.
Tailpiece
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Last word
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
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