THE FOSSIL of a pointy-headed prehistoric flying reptile looked so
much like former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher - or at
least the "Torydactyl" depictions of her by cartoonist Gerald Scarfe –
that it has been named after Scarfe.
The fossil, a pterosaur discovered in Kimmeridge Bay, Dorset, has been
named by Portsmouth paleontologists Cuspicephalus scarfi.
Scarfe himself says he's "thrilled and flattered" to be immortalised
as a 155-million-year-old fossil.
"I have spent many holidays in Kimmeridge and to think my namesake was
buried beneath my feet is wonderfully bizarre."
An arresting story, to be sure. Is it not time our own cartoonists,
palaeontologists and archaeologists got together with a view to
classifying some of our political species as they lead the stampede
into the authoritarian vortex: Lemmingus maximus, Porcus Gadarenus
and Fascistis horribilis?
It would be a useful marker for future palaeontologists and
archaeologists as they puzzle out what went wrong in the epoch of
democracia extincta.
Rehabilitation
A 16-YEAR-OLD London burglar was told by officials running a
surveillance and supervision programme - an alternative to jail - to
write to the household he had burgled. This he did, berating them for
living in a high-crime area and being dumb enough to leave the kitchen
window open. "I'm not bothered or sorry," he said.
The newspapers have waxed wroth over the matter. But the best is from
Bob, cartoonist in the Telegraph, who repeats the 16-year-old's
letter, with all its lack of grammar, but with a subtle alteration.
"To be honest I'm not bothered or sorry that I lossed all your munny.
Basicly it was your fault anyways and your thick enough to leave your
savings with us. I wouldn't do that in a million years."
Penning the letter with great glee is a pin-striped investment banker.
Touche!
Drama in the ads
HELL hath no fury ... readers of the classified advertising section of
the Birmingham Mail were astonished to find, between ads for a snooker
table and a bed, two entries headed "Erdington Librarian".
One read: "For sale – Cheating male librarian in useless condition,
cost £0." It then gave the poor fellow's name. The next read: Male
cheater £0." The entries gave the same telephone number.
Meanwhile, an Essex schoolgirl tried to put her 61-year-old
grandmother on sale on eBay, the internet auction site, though eBay
refused the entry; and a man tried to put his wife up for sale, also
on eBay, for one penny. Bids – possibly not meant seriously – had
reached £750 000 by the time the entry was removed.
It's all happening, better than soap opera.
Deck the halls ...
HELICOPTER pilot Greg Gribble was helping to put up a large steel
Christmas tree in Auckland, New Zealand, when the blades clipped part
of the structure and he came crashing down. Camera footage showed him
being thrown around the cockpit but amazingly he was rescued from the
wreckage unhurt.
He says he's hoping, in spite of the crash, to finish the job of
erecting the Christmas tree.
Let's hope he has better luck putting in place the Christmas fairy.
Let's not even talk about the mistletoe.
Classics
A READER sends in some classic squelchers of yesteryear
• George Bernard Shaw: "Have reserved two tickets for opening night.
Come and bring a friend if you have one."
Winston Churchill: "Impossible to come to first night. Will come to
second night if you have one."
• The Earl of Sandwich: "'Pon my soul, Wilkes, you will die of the pox
or on the gallows!"
John Wilkes: "That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your
mistress or your principles!"
• Oscar Wilde (after a witty remark by James McNeill Whistler): "I
wish I'd said that."
Whistler: "You will, Oscar, you will."
• William Faulkner (on Ernest Hemingway): "He has never been known to
use a word that sends a reader to the dictionary."
Hemingway: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from
big words?"
Tailpiece
WHAT'S the difference between an Essex girl and a shopping trolley?
The shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Last word
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist,
it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing
standard of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan
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