More razzle-dazzle
THE LARGE Hadron Collider at Geneva, Switzerland, continues to razzle-dazzle. Its scientists recently thought they had discovered neutrinos that travel faster than light, turning accepted quantum physics on its head.
Now they think they might have glimpsed the Higgs boson, a near-mythical particle – also known as the "God particle" – by which everything in the universe gets its mass (if the theory is correct).
They only think they glimpsed it, mind you. It came as a sort of blip on a graph that occurred twice in different tests as particles were made to collide at high speed in a particle accelerator. But they don't have enough data yet to claim a discovery. They are at the "two sigma" level of certainly. "Five sigma" means there has definitely been a discovery.
Who was Higgs? What's a boson? That's enough silly questions!
Any day now those scientists will bring us the answer to the puzzle that's been bothering us for centuries: How many angels can balance on the point of a needle?
Romney strikes back
NEWS from America. In spite of a backdrop of two extra-marital affairs, Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives, has overtaken Mitt Romney as front-runner to become the Republican candidate in next year's presidential election.
How does Romney stage a come-back? Satirist Andy Borowitz suggests he's about to strike back.
"Troubled by his fading poll numbers, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is considering a bold strategy to reboot his Presidential campaign: engaging in a high-profile extramarital affair.
"At a press conference in Concord, New Hampshire today" (Borowitz says) "Mr Romney confirmed that he was consulting with senior advisors about the best way to proceed with an inappropriate relationship.
"'Republican voters have sent the message that they want to vote for an adulterer and I have heard them loud and clear,' he said. 'I promise that I will engage in a world-class extramarital affair that will make all of us proud again.'
"According to one senior advisor, the Romney campaign was already holding focus groups and conducting special polling to determine the best person with whom Mr Romney should conduct his extracurricular dalliance.
"And in a sign that Mr Romney is taking precipitous action to find an object for his adulterous intentions, today his campaign launched a new dating site, SexyTimeWithMitt.com."
Lovely stuff!
Durban, Africa
THIS week's piece on the successful delivery of letters with the scantiest information on the envelope reminds reader Frank van Vloten of a letter that arrived for his wife soon after she arrived in South Africa many years ago.
The address given: Evelyn van Vloten, Durban, Africa
"Such was the postal service in those days that it reached her with perhaps one day's postal delay."
London croc?
HERE be monsters ... as London readies itself for next year's Olympics, a mystery monster has made its presence felt on the River Lea, very close to where the Olympic stadium has been built in the East End of London.
Two men were in a boat on the Lea when a large Canadian goose they were looking at close by suddenly got dragged underwater, never to be seen again.
It's the second such disappearing goose to be reported. The river authorities now note that the swan population seems to have dwindled. Strange burrows have been found in the banks of the river.
Speculation is that it could be a crocodile, a terrapin turtle or even a python – pets that have escaped into the wild and grown to a great size.
At least nobody is blaming media tycoon Rupert Murdoch – not yet anyway.
Cool cat
WHAT'S new, Pussycat? An Italian cat has inherited the equivalent of almost £10 million, making it the second richest animal in the world.
Maria Assunta died last month aged 94 and left the fortune in property to Tommasino, a stray cat she had found and looked after.
The world's richest animal is thought to be a dog called Gunter IV, a German shepherd who received more than £90 million after his wealthy and eccentric heiress owner Karlotta Liebenstien died and left him her fortune.
In 1988 British recluse Ben Rea left his fortune of £9 million to his cat, Blackie.
Tailpiece
WHAT'S the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? Usually about
20 kg.
Last word
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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