There was a jolly swagman ...
HEY, HE'S A razzler this Prince William. The other night he and the delectable Kate (stuffier individuals call her the Duchess of Cambridge) went to a youth shelter in Camberwell, London, where they danced with the locals.
Not only that, Wills stole the show by introducing a new dance called the Swag. In that he brushes imaginary dandruff off his shoulders while Kate mirrors him. It brought the house down.
The Swag will now become all the rage at every nightspot in London. It sounds remarkably like what we at La Bella call the Bambaduza, where you pull your partner in close and pretend to sweep the dandruff off each other's shoulders. It is fairly erotic.
How nice it would be if Wills and Kate could join us for New Year. We're a kind of over-40s youth shelter. Next year maybe?
Brain teaser
HERE'S something to clear away the Christmas cobwebs, sent in by Lilian Develing, of Hillcrest. It's a brain study and if you can read it you have a strong mind.
Once you get past the first two words it becomes easier. Here goes:
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
W311 done!
New words
SOME new entries to the English dictionary:
.
· Aquadextrous - Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
· Carperpetuation - The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
· Disconfect - To sterilise the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs.
· Elbonics - The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theatre.
· Frust - The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
· Lactomangulation - Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.
· Peppier - The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
· Phonesia - The affliction of dialling a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.
· Pupkus - The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
· Telecrastination - The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Financial paean
READER Andrew Dale sends in some lines on the financial chaos in Europe.
A Euro Paean.
The Germans as usual were quick off the mark.
The French were perhaps less than frank.
The British, more openly, chose to expound
That expense would be borne by the bank.
One thing they've all learned as the world's debts increase:
You are much better off if you don't elbow grease.
That's right. Slackers of the world unite!
Tailpiece
THIS fellow sits down beside a blonde in a sports bar. The news on the TV screen shows a man on a ledge outside a high building, looking as if he's a about to jump.
Blonde: "Do you think he'll jump?"
Fellow: "I bet he'll jump."
Blonde: "I bet he won't."
The fellow puts a R100 note on the bar counter: "You're on!"
Just as the blonde puts her R100 on the bar, the guy on the ledge does a swallow dive off the building.
The blonde hands over her R100. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Fellow: "I can't take it. I saw this on the earlier newscast. I knew he'd jump."
Blonde : "I did, too. But I didn't think he'd do it again."
The fellow keeps the cash.
Last word
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
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