Iron laws of economics
IT SEEMS there's a great danger that the Euro – common currency of 17 countries in the European Union – could implode in the days and weeks ahead. I myself am not surprised.
The Euro always was inherently feeble. Quite apart from the economics of trying to put the Greek taverna and the wirtschaftswunder in the same bracket, how can you speak about a "Euro"? It's a truncated non-word.
Euro is supposed to be a qualifier, a word that tells you something about another word. To use it on its own is like saying Anglo without the Saxon; Mac without the Taggart.
It should have been Eurodollar – or Eurodalder, Europfund, Eurofranc, anything like that. Euro cannot stand alone.
As they are now discovering. The currency of the European Union could well dissolve into the marks, francs, guilders, kroner, drachmas, lira and the rest that were there originally.
Who are we to dispute these iron laws of economics?
Now's our chance
AND IS THIS not the opportunity for us in this country to revert to pounds shillings and pence, the coinage intended by nature?
I am aware there are those who do not share this column's enthusiasm for £sd. They baulk at the idea of constantly dividing by 20 and 12. But their anxieties are groundless.
Multiplication and division is the business these days of digital calculators, for which dividing by 20 and 12 is absolute peanuts. Besides, pocket calculators have so displaced mental arithmetic that most people can't even add up decimals in their heads.
Let us now look at the benefits of a reversion. Pounds, shillings and pence confuse the hell out of the Americans, which is always a good thing. Pounds, shillings and pence, plus cricket, put a decent distance between us and them.
And now the major benefits. At the time we went over to decimals, a pint of beer cost 1s 6d (the equivalent of 15 cents). You could take a girl out to dinner for a pound (R2).
Who in his right mind would not want to revert to that?
I rest my case.
Snakes alive!
AN INDIAN snake-charmer released dozens of poisonous snakes in a tax office in the state of Uttar Pradesh, in protest at attempts by staff to extort bribes from him. Staff jumped onto chairs as the snakes slithered around until they were captured by a team from the forestry department. Nobody was bitten.
We're not told what became of the snake-charmer's complaint. But it's the kind of thing you couldn't do here. The SARS people would eat the snakes before you could blink an eyelid.
Quotes from Russia
QUOTE of the week (from the Russian Communist Party after the elections, where all kinds of shenanigans were alleged): "Absolutely illegitimate". Quite. The shades of Lenin and Stalin: "Tut, tut! This is just not cricket!"
Second quote of the week (from Russian President Dmitry Medvedev on his party's substantial loss of support in the election): "I for one am glad that we shall have a merrier parliament because we understand that truth can emerge only from a debate."
Merriment? Debate? Lenin and Stalin would have been appalled.
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Turnip Prize
SCOTTISH artist Martin Boyce has won the 2011 Turner Prize for a piece of art which consists of a kind of frieze of trees with aluminium leaves, as backdrop to an ultra-modern writing desk, apparently with some scratchings on its surface.
At time of writing, the 2011 Turnip Prize – an "antidote" to the Turner Prize, consisting of a turnip nailed to a piece of wood – had not yet been announced.
Front-runners were a piece of cheese cut into the shape of the letter "E " and a fish full of dollars.
The Turnip Prize is, of course, a send-up of the pretentious hokum submitted for the Turner competition.
Watch this space!
Tailpiece
REUB and Abner are camping in the Florida Everglades. Abner goes off to fetch water for coffee. He comes back with eyes like saucers. "That there creek is jest crawlin' with alligators!"
Reub: "Dontcha be fussed about them alligators, Abner. They's twice as skeered o' you as you is o' them."
Abner: "Reub, that there water jest ain't fit for drinkin'!"
Last word
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
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