Two days adrift
A PENSIONER in England spent two days and two nights on the M25 motorway after missing the turn-off on the way to his daughter's house. Dennis Leighton, 82, was eventually found safe behind the wheel of his Vauxhall in south London, having spent more than 30 hours on the road. He had left Windsor, heading for his daughter's place in Kent.
That's nothing. People in KwaZulu-Natal have been lost without trace trying to find King Shaka international airport.
For some reason the N2 north, leading to King Shaka, still doesn't have the customary aircraft logo painted on the road surface in the appropriate lane. Every other airport in the world has it. The old Durban International had it.
But King Shaka has nothing. If you miss the sign at the roadside you fetch up in Umhlali at best. People have found themselves on the Mozambique border, looking for King Shaka International.
If you panic, think you've missed the turn-off and pull off early, you find yourself at Sibaya Casino and if the fruit machines are coughing you end up missing your flight.
It's most unsatisfactory. People have disappeared from the face of the earth looking for King Shaka International, possibly devoured by lions in Zululand. I suspect that the national roads authority is involved in a massive cover-up.
Old Speckled Hen
THESE marathon road journeys can happen so easily. I was once playing cricket at Kloof when we adjourned after the game to the Stokers Arms. Here I got into deep conversation with a member of the opposing team who I had not seen since varsity days. By the time we left and went our separate ways a thick mist had come down.
Visibility was close to zero as he went through the Marrianhill toll. It was still pea soup as he went through the Tongaat toll (He was a school headmaster on the North Coast).
Then suddenly the mist lifted and he found himself driving through a moonlit landscape that was unfamiliar. There was no sea; no sugar cane; just plains and koppies. Then a sign told him he was approaching Van Reenen's Pass and Harrismith.
Horrors! What he'd thought was the Marrianhill toll was Mooi River. What he'd thought was Tongaat was Ladysmith.
Whoops! U-turn! It was the mist that did it – not the Old Speckled Hen.
Cha-cha-cha
'TIS INDEED the season of giving. The other morning I was standing at one of those parking pay machines in the Umhlanga medical centre, having the thing repeatedly spit back at me my R50 note. The charge due was R5. I had no other cash on me. I would have to go and find change.
But then a girl behind me slipped a R5 coin into the slot and – voila! – it was paid. But I couldn't let her pay for me, I protested. Think nothing of it, she said – and was gone.
It's not every day a pretty girl slips you five bucks. If she should read this, she's welcome to come to La Bella where I will buy her a drink and dance the cha-cha-cha with her. It's the least I can do.
| Smart answers THERE'S nothing like a smart answer: · Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed? - At the bottom of the page. · The River Ravi flows in which state? – Liquid state. · What is the main reason for divorce? – Marriage. · How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? - No problem, he sleeps at night. · How can you lift an elephant with one hand? - You will never find an elephant with one hand. · If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? - Very large hands. · If it took eight men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men? - No time at all, the wall is already built. · How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? - Concrete floors are very hard to crack. Tailpiece Dentist: "You need a root canal procedure." Female patient (appalled): "I'd as soon have a baby." Dentist: "Well make up your mind so I can adjust this chair." Last word Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. |
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