Street names again
IN HIS LATEST grumpy newsletter, investment analyst Dr James Greener revisits the issue of renaming Durban's streets.
"Some of the earliest of the renamed streets here in Durban are back to their original names following the unearthing of some legal glitch in the original process. Nothing was said about that process being insensitive, unnecessary, costly and stupid.
"The argument against changing a name from one now unremembered and possibly dubious dignitary to another whose fame is equally mystifying has nothing to do with disrespect for the newcomer but everything to do with continuity and history. Surely the number of roads being created in this ever expanding metropolis far exceeds the number of folk deemed worthy of being remembered by a length of tarmac?"
Well, quite. It came to me yet again the other day when I had to get hold of the AA (not Alcoholics Anonymous, the other one). I was in a road I have always known as Walter Gilbert.
But the AA breakdown service in Johannesburg couldn't find a Walter Gilbert Road on their computer system. Was it one of the Durban street names that have been changed they asked?
I had no idea. There was no street sign. I accosted a passer-by who assured me he worked in the road and its name was Walter Gilbert.
I was between Moses Mabhida stadium and King's Park stadium, both of which the AA people could find on their system, but the road between them was a mystery.
Fifteen minutes late the AA were back on the line. They'd found it. The name had been changed.
"What's the new name?" I asked.
"It's Isaac ... I'm sorry, I can't pronounce the rest."
No matter, a breakdown vehicle was despatched.
How often every day is something similar not enacted? What is the cost in cash terms and aggravation? Surely it's the height of folly to tamper with the smooth functioning of a major city in this way?
The Post Office doesn't use the new street names. Nor does the Deeds Office. Even the municipality uses the old names to send out accounts.
This is pretty comprehensive failure. And all for the sake of some cheap political grandstanding.
Black hole?
STANDING there waiting between Moses Mabhida and King's Park, one reflected. On one side an old-fashioned, functional stadium designed for rugby; fully paid off, successful, assured of crowd revenues.
On the other a visual masterpiece that is unfortunately unsuitable for rugby or cricket, while local soccer will not provide the crowds to support it. Fifa has apparently reneged on its share of the billions it cost to build. The council seem to be casting about desperately to find a role for the new stadium, even if it means filming the BBC's dire Top Gear programme there – at a further cost of millions to the city and the province. Moses Mabhida begins to look like a financial black hole.
Makes ya think!
Linguistic tide
AN ELDERLY robber known as the "Geezer Bandit" has been responsible for 16 bank hold-ups in California over the past two years. He is so named because he appears to be at least 70 and sometimes has with him an oxygen bottle during his stick-ups.
But the FBI now suspect he could be a lot younger; that he uses an elaborate disguise. In his most recent heist at San Luis Obispo, things went wrong and he sprinted away from the bank at a speed which belied his apparent old age. The FBI think he might be wearing a latex mask and gloves to give an impression of advanced years.
This being America in the digital age, the Geezer Bandit has become something of a cult. A Facebook page has attracted 12 000 supporters and sells merchandise. The FBI offers a reward of $20 000 for information leading to his capture.
It's an extraordinary story – not least that he should be known as the Geezer Bandit. "Geezer" is Cockney slang for an old-timer. Never before have I heard it used in an American context. Is the linguistic tide turning at last?
Tailpiece
A GANG of robbers hit a lawyers' office and are making a run for it.
"That was tough but at least we've got R5 000," one pants.
"Are you crazy? We went in with R10 000!"
Last word
Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.
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