Just like old times
DÉJÀ vu. They were running old footage of PW Botha on TV. There he was, the Groot Krokodil of the gleaming dome, the hand gestures, the aggressive, hectoring tone.
But why was Sky News running old footage of PW Botha? And why was he speaking like a Liverpool Scouser? Why was he lambasting the British Labour Party, their fancy dinner parties in Islington where they talk about issues like Palestine and climate change instead of what concerns British working folk?
Oh, silly me! This wasn't PW Botha at all. It was Paul Nuttall, newly elected leader of Ukip, addressing the party faithful in his moment of triumph. But the likeness is astonishing.
Interesting the way Nuttall says Ukip are going to take the industrial north of England from Labour. They've already done it in a way. In the Brexit referendum those voters defied the Labour Party and voted solidly to leave Europe – in fact they tipped the national vote.
And across the Channel in France, we'll soon have another election – a centre-right candidate versus a far-right one. The socialist is considered a non-starter. Interesting times – a bit like Germany and Italy in the 1930s.
Thank heavens we have total normality back home.
Trump appointment
MEANWHILE, in the US president-elect Donald Trump continues to assemble his government team of unknowns and outsiders. According to the New Yorker, the latest appointment is Joaquin "El Chapo" (it means "Shorty") Guzman to head the Drug Enforcement Administration.
One slight drawback though. Guzman is in jail in Mexico, where he headed a huge drugs cartel believed to have been responsible for 1 000 murders. But the US has applied for his extradition for operations in America.
According to the New Yorker, El Chapo's appointment is based on his "tremendous success in the private sector."
"Appearing on CNN, the Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway said that the selection of El Chapo should surprise no one. 'Mr. Trump always said that he would surround himself with the best people.'"
"Asked why Trump had readily offered a job to El Chapo while still mulling the fate of another former adversary, Mitt Romney, Conway said: 'El Chapo might not have voted for Mr Trump, but that's because he's Mexican and in jail, and Mitt Romney is neither.'"
This New Yorker account might require a pinch of salt. It's another offering by satirist Andy Borowitz.
Eggs and biscuits
EMMA Morano, the world's oldest woman, turned 117 yesterday. No doubt she celebrated at her home in Verbania, northern Italy, with her customary two raw eggs and some biscuits. Or maybe she went beserk and had another egg to celebrate.
When Emma was born, Umberto I was still King of Italy, the Fiat motor company had only just been established and Milan Football Club was to be formed a few weeks later. She's seen plenty.
They put on a concert in her honour in Verbania but Emma didn't attend. She hasn't left her flat in 20 years.
Raw eggs and reclusivity. It's nothing like Bob Hope and his commentary on the advancing years.
On turning 70: "I still chase women but only downhill."
On turning 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
On turning 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
On turning 100: "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
Suicide attack
IS THIS squirrel terrorism? They're asking the question in Chicago.
Alderman Howard Brookins went on a public tirade against "aggressive squirrels," which he said were eating through the garbage cans supplied by the city.
Next thing he was riding his bicycle through the park when a squirrel launched itself at him, got tangled in the spokes and had the worthy alderman flipping over the handlebars, to land up in hospital with a fractured skull, according to Huffington Post.
The squirrel died. Another suicide attack.
Tailpiece
A GOLFER slices his ball into a wooded ravine. He grabs his seven-iron and climbs down through heavy bush. Then he spots something shiny. It's a seven-iron in the hands of a skeleton.
He calls up to his partner: "Hoy! I need some help!"
"What's wrong?"
"Throw me my eight-iron. You can't get out of here with a seven."
Last word
No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
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