Hazard on the fairway
THE things you see on an Australian golf course … golfers at Paradise Palms Golf Course in Cairns, North Queensland, were startled to encounter a 4m scrub python swallowing a wallaby on the 17th fairway.
They watched for a bit then played through.
A course manager told the BBC the display did not deter golfers from finishing their rounds. Local golfers were accustomed to encountering wildlife on the course, which is on the fringes of the rain forest.
Quite. Until they encounter a scrub python swallowing a golfer, there's no need for panic.
Pie in sky
EE, PROPER reet good that were … a meat and potato pie (meat an tata cake, in the local Lancashire lingo) was launched into space last week from a pub car park in Wigan.
It was attached to a weather balloon and soared to 30 000m in three hours before crashing back to earth.
The launch was to publicise the World Pie Eating Championships in Wigan later this week.
Meanwhile, experts are analysing whether the pie's molecular structure has been altered in any way by its being frozen in the stratosphere, then reheated in its plunge back through the atmosphere.
Ee, daft I calls it. Bring the scran, lass. Ah could eat an 'orse between two breadvans.
Desperate Doris
AN 86-YEAR-OLD American woman has been arrested for stealing a necklace worth $2 000 (R25 000). She was stopped as she tried to leave a department store in Dunwoody, near Atlanta.
Then it turned out she was none other than the lady made famous by a TV documentary in 2013, titled The Life and Crimes of Doris Payne.
This depicted her as a career criminal who had stolen jewellery worth $2 million (R31 million) since her 20s.
She would dress in fine clothes, charm salesgirls at upmarket department stores and pocket expensive items while they were distracted.
In the documentary, Doris said she had no regrets about her life of crime, which had brought her lengthy jail terms – "only getting caught".
Last October, she was arrested in Atlanta after she allegedly took a pair of $690 (R9 715) Christian Dior earrings from a department store.
At the time, she was also wanted by police in North Carolina over the theft of a $33 000 (R4.6 million) engagement ring. The law still has to run its course in these matters.
Sigh! It's a fair cop.
Losing bet
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "My two uncles has a bet on who would remain a bachelor longest. Then one upped the ante."
Christmas squeakers
IN THE Swedish city of Malmo, they're giving the mouseholes a facelift this Christmas. If you look down while walking down the main shopping streets you're likely to see, set into the walls at pavement level, tiny, mouse-size shops – such as a bakery or a cheese and cracker shop - with display windows and counters and stocked with nuts and other goodies.
They're the work of an organisation called Anonymouse MMX, a group of artists who are influenced by Walt Disney, American animation artist Don Bluth and Swedish children's books author Astrid Lindgren, according to Huffington Post..
It seems these mouse shops are purely decorative. They aren't actually open and they're not trading.
But the cats of Malmo have them under close surveillance.
Sometimes solo
Old age is not always accompanied by wisdom. Old age sometimes arrives alone.
Writing good
SOME writing tips come this way:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague.
4. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
5. Be more or less specific.
6. Writers should never generalise.
Seven. Be consistent.
8. Don't be redundant, don't use more words than necessary, it's highly superfluous.
9. Who needs rhetorical questions?
10. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Thankee, we wordsmiths need all the help we can get.
Tailpiece
DADDY takes his little boy to the zoo. When they get back that evening, Mummy asks if they had fun? Did he see the animals?
"Such fun, Mummy! For Daddy too. One of the animals came in at 30 to one!"
Last word
It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children.
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