Diplomatic niceties
YOU don't know whether to laugh or cry. Donald Trump, US president-elect, has sent out a tweet that his chum, Nigel Farrage of Ukip, should be appointed British ambassador to Washington because they get along so well together.
Farrage himself is indignant that it is not being taken seriously by the Brits. He knows the Trump camp so well, he says, there'd be a splendid relationship between the US and the UK.
Is this goonishness for real? Would Trump perhaps like also to switch the Russian ambassador? The South African? How about the Prophet of Doom for Washington? Everyone must be getting a little nervous, the Kremlin included.
High jinks lie ahead with The Donald in the White House. So far it's laughter. When does the crying begin?
Oddballs
SOME people are a little worried about the unknown oddballs who seem to be hanging about Trump Tower in New York as The Donald chooses his government team.
Reader Des Thompson asks: "Once Trump has drained the Washington swamps, is he refilling them with rattlesnakes?"
Pheasant-elect
A CHINESE newspaper detects a striking similarity between the head of yellow feathers of a golden pheasant and the hair of president-elect Donald Trump.
So striking is the similarity that the People's Daili has featured side by side photographs of the "pheasant-elect" and the "president-elect".
The bird in the photograph lives in the Hangzhou Safari Park in Zhejiang Province.
Streaker
A FELLOW pranced stark naked through a pizza place the other night. But it caused no outrage, only laughter.
It happened while the place was closed. The manager and staff at Slice Pizza in Towsen, Maryland, picked up his prancings only next morning on the CCTV. They had a good laugh.
The streaker had apparently come in through an air vent, looked about the place then got out again after taking a bottle of water, according to Huffington Post..
The Baltimore County police have the fullest of full descriptions.
Foaming blob
WAS this a beer truck that had overturned? A giant blob of foam took over the streets of Santa Clara, in California, and almost covered road signs.
But no such luck. The foam was a fire suppressant that had been accidentally triggered in a hangar at San Jose international airport, and just kept spreading.
One man tried to ride a bicycle through it, according to Huffington Post, and simply disappeared for a while. Luckily he wasn't smoking.
I suppose it's encouraging to know these things do actually work.
Names
EDINBURGH firefighters were called in to assist with the winching and positioning of a sedated rhino in the zoo so that vets could perform on him a complicated operation to cure him of his toothache.
The operation was apparently a success and the rhino is back to contentedly munching his rations.
The point of this account though is the rhino's name. Recently we've considered cases in England of a pet snake named Keith and a giant earthworm named Dave.
This Scottish rhino is named Bertus. Okay, this isn't as twee as Keith and Dave – in fact it sounds like nothing more than a Springbok frontranker. But it's still odd how English and Scots animals are given these names.
Lost cousins
ACE press photographer of this newspaper group Robert d'Avice (now retired) is anxious to make contact with his cousins, Roland Marot and his sisters Josee and Jacqueline, all born in Mauritius in the 1940s.
Can anyone out there help? Contact numbers: 031-5681073/071-5446874. Repondez s'il vous plait.
Tailpiece
A COP pulls a woman over for speeding.
"Ma'am, can I see your driver's licence.
"You can't. I lost it for drunken driving.
"Can I see your vehicle registration papers?"
"I'm afraid not. I stole this car. I put the owner's body in the boot."
He radios for back-up. Five police cars are there in no time. The chief advances with gun drawn.
"Ma'am, open the back of that car please."
She does so. It's empty.
"Can I see you driver's licence and vehicle registration papers?"
She opens her handbag and hands them over.
"I don't understand this. My officer says you've got no licence, you stole this car and you murdered the owner."
"I suppose the lying bastard also said I was speeding."
Last word
Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. - Thor Heyerdahl
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