Rugby rethink needed
RELIEF as a weekend dawns with no humiliation in prospect on the rugby field. England and Australia can go at it hammer and tongs tomorrow and we can just enjoy the spectacle (though the smart money is on England). The one to watch in the in the Six Nations, coming up, will be England-Ireland.
Yet this is no time for ignoring our problems. The collapse of Springbok rugby this season has ominous ramifications that go beyond the game itself. It damages national morale. Was Nelson Mandela in Francois Pienaar's No 6 jersey all those years ago not the ultimate expression of optimism in the early days of our new society?
There are worrying social implications. Who knows where the current restiveness of the gals of the Street Shelter of for the Over-Forties might fetch up, deprived as they have been of the excitement of contributing their knicker elastic for the fashioning of catapults for the celebratory feu de joie, where the streetlights are shot out. The gals could cut up ugly.
Calling for Allister Coetzee's head is absurd. He's the victim of something that's been winding down for years. The Currie Cup has to become again the furnace that produces world-beating Springbok sides. The fires must be restoked. Let today's Izak van Heerdens and Ian McIntoshes be allowed to emerge as coaches.
Ultimately though it's over to Pravin Gordhan. He has to get the international exchange rates right – so our hundreds of top players overseas are part of the local competition again. This by 2020. Simple really.
Highway dance
JEFF and Rebecca Payne got married in Dayton, Ohio, last Saturday. But on their way from the church to the reception, they got stuck in a monster traffic jam. It was total gridlock. Caught in the traffic with them were other wedding guests and the fellow hired to video the reception.
People got out of their cars. Then some folk spotted Rebecca's wedding dress. They turned up the car radio really loud so Jeff and Rebecca could have the first dance of their marriage on US Route 35, the video man filming it. The rest of the people in the traffic jam joined in. It became a huge party, according to local TV station WLWT.
Fortunately the traffic had cleared by the time Jeff and Rebecca left on honeymoon.
Local wildlife
STILL in America, police in Gardner, Kansas, kept getting reports of a mountain lion being spotted at night in the city's Celebration Park. They set up some trail cameras, according to Huffington Post, to see if they could confirm the sightings.
The cameras picked up no mountain lion but what they did get included:
· A coyote.
· A raccoon.
· A ragged, lurking human figure.
· A masked man with a bag.
· An old lady with a bow and arrow, using a walker.
· A bloke and a girl in gorilla suits.
· A man in a Santa Claus outfit downing a beer.
Well, they do call it Celebration Park.
Sleuth
YOU'RE the kind of well-informed guy who recognises breast implant material when he sees it. You're walking along a beach. You spot on the sand a blob of cup-shaped, jelly-like material. "Ah!" you say to yourself. "Breast-implant material. Somebody has done something ghastly to a woman." So you go off to the cops and report a murder.
It happened in Australia at a place called Maroochydore, in Queensland. This fellow marched into the police station with a bag containing the round, slimy bubble.
The cops themselves were puzzled at first, but it turned out the round, slimy bubble was a blubber jellyfish that had somehow lost its tentacles in the surf, according to the BBC.
Manhunt called off. But you've got to be careful with jellyfish. There was the case of the kid who ended up in Addington Hospital after he found one on the beach and said: "Ma, kyk my hoed!" (Mum, look at my hat!). That was long before the days of breast implants.
Moral of story: Desist, when in places such as the Street Shelter for the Over Forties, from inappropriately seizing the damsels of the place. You could be engaging with blubber jellyfish.
Tailpiece
A BASKETBALL player and a jockey robbed a bank. The police are looking high and low.
Last word
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
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