Carols in the bush
"O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie …" Christmas carols are a delight, and what better place for them than on a headland in the bush down at Pennington, on the South Coast, where the Umdoni Conservancy are having their annual service led by the Umdoni Choir.
Monkeys are chattering in the bush all about, squabbling over the stuff they've stolen from the picnickers. Little pithi buck dart from the thickets to see what's going on. They know they're safe. Even the little Yorkshire terrier is on a leash. It's a beautiful spot, nature in all her tranquility, the Indian Ocean below, stretching away to the horizon..
The gals are dishing out boerie rolls and prego rolls. The carols are going with great gusto.
And then a leopard springs from the undergrowth and carries off the Umdoni choirmaster. Er, no, perhaps I exaggerate slightly. The Pennington gals have been plying me with white wine, to which I am totally unaccustomed. It seems the choirmaster is still in place after all. This woodland of enchantment can play tricks with the senses.
"The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight …"
Decoration
IN AUSTRALIA, a woman got a shock who she found a yellow, orange-brown and black ornament decoratively entwined with the tinsel on her Christmas tree.
It happened in Melbourne. The decoration was a venomous tiger snake.
She slammed the door and locked it then called a professional snake handler, who arrived and removed the snake without any problem.
The yellow, orange-brown and black tiger snake – nearly as dangerous as the mistletoe, mate!
Take a cab
RATHER take a cab this festive season. A reader shares his experience.
"I would like to share a personal experience about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a 'social session' with family or friends.
"Well, two days ago, this happened to me: I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several scotches followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and Irish shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was way over the limit.
"That's when I did something I've never done before -- I took a taxi home. Sure enough, on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
"This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call. Merry Christmas to all …"
Sauced
NEWS from ol' Kentucky. Two fellers were a bit sauced up and were sitting in a car in Danville discussing whether they should rob the BBQ restaurant outside which they were parked.
Unfortunately, one of them had activated the phone in his pocket and inadvertently called 911,.where a police despatcher listened to the whole thing. The call was traced to the spot outside the BBQ restaurant. The 911 cops then contacted Danville police chief Tony Gray, who was having a meal – in that very BBQ restaurant.
It was an easy arrest. Robert Bourne and David Grigsby were still sitting in their car swigging from a bottle when Gray caught them, according to Huffington Post. He decided they were not serious in their plan to rob the restaurant, but they were seriously on their ear. He charged them with public intoxication.
Tis the season to be merry.
Snapshots
IAN Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens some lines on the rumour that the new mayor is sending all councilors her picture to be hung on their walls.
It seems that our mayor Gumede,
Always has a cameraman ready;
For her snapshots appear,
Everywhere, and its clear
Her narcissism is unswervingly steady.
Tailpiece
THE contortionist went bankrupt. He couldn't make ends meet.
Last word
Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.
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