The hackers are at it again
HAS your toaster been misbehaving? It could be you've been computer-hacked by the Russians. Or maybe the CIA. A while ago it might have been the Chinese, but they seem to have gone out of fashion lately.
It's odd what these hackers can do. It seems they can cause ATMs to malfunction, power stations to shut down and traffic control systems to go haywire, causing gridlock – in which case it explains a lot about Durban in recent years.
Is all this just the equivalent of old wives' tales in the digital age? Imagination gone nano-crazy?
But now President Obama, no less, has directly accused the Russians – President Putin in person – of hacking into the recent American election campaign in an attempt to influence it in favour of Donald Trump. He bases this on information from the CIA. Hillary backs him up.
And Trump says he doesn't listen to the CIA.
Is this for real? What is one to think?
According to the New Yorker, Trump has announced that when he becomes president he will spend only half his time at the Kremlin, half at Trump Tower in New York. It's because his wife Melania doesn't want to live full-time in Moscow.
It was part of the deal when he ran for president that he would go to the Kremlin and she would stay behind in New York, a source close to the Trumps said.
"Appearing on Russian television, Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway said that Trump's decision to split his time between Moscow and New York would have 'no impact whatsoever' on his ability to function as an integral part of the Kremlin team."
Of course, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. Or is it? Could it be that CIA hackers have got into my computer and are writing this without my knowledge, while I'm at the beach? Things become more confusing by the day.
Watch that toaster!
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Loophole expert
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener says in his latest grumpy newsletter that the parliamentary investigation into the SABC has established one thing for certain – nobody has a clue.
"The chief politico in charge of the farrago, who is misleadingly titled the minister of communication, demonstrated award-winning skills in denying responsibility and buck-passing.
"Her performance made it abundantly clear why the SABC and the country's overdue so-called digital migration project are in chaos. Complicated technical issues such as bandwidth, broadcast spectrum and signal encryption are obviously secondary to ensuring maximum benefits for insiders including Number One and his puppet masters.
"Minister Faith Muthambi has, to quote her official profile, 'a string of qualifications' of which only a certificate in computer training might be even vaguely relevant to her current post. However, as an advocate of the high court she undoubtedly knows how to find and argue a loophole."
Pillow talk
AMERICAN independent film-maker Adam Rosenberg had been told he talks a lot in his sleep. Curious to find out what he was saying, he set up recording apparatus.
It turned out earth-shaking stuff, as he told Huffington Post:
"Shhh. Shut up. Shut your fat butt. Just add look dust! Da Look as. Cause, cause you act like a booger cause, you fuzzy. Cause it fancy."
Then poetry:"Keedle? Keedle-leedle-leedle-loodle? Dooda-laddle?"
Finale:"Pip pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup psssssssss."
They say his movies aren't too bad though.
Ken Gillings
I WAS shocked and saddened to learn last week of the death of Ken Gillings while snorkeling at Cape Vidal.
Ken was one of the best and most knowledgeable tour guides to the battlefields of this province. As regimental sergeant-major of the Natal Field Artillery and chairman of the Military History Society, he had an insight to and understanding of KwaZulu-Natal, past and present, that made him a favourite with thousands of tourists, local and from overseas. The Dundee district was his particular stamping ground.
Ken also had a great sense of fun. He will be sadly missed.
Tailpiece
"ENJOY your trip, dear, and travel safely."
""It's only a month. I'll be back before you know it."
"All the same, don't forget to write."
"It's highly unlikely I'd lose such a basic skill in a month."
Last word
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.
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