Times of flux
THE Monster Raving Loony Party – candidate Howling "Laud" Hope – didn't do too well in last week's British by-election in Richmond Park.
Nor did the One Love Party, represented by Ankit Love under his claimed title, Maharaja of Jammu and Kashmir.
In fact these fringe parties combined got less than Labour, which lost its deposit. But not to worry. The Monster Raving Loonies held a victory party at the Triple Crown pub in Richmond, with a competition giving prizes for funny hats – the night before polling day.
Then the actual result. The Liberal-Democrats trounced the Tories, turning round a huge majority, the doorstep issue being Brexit and the Lib-Dems' opposition to it.
Today Theresa May's Tory government goes to the supreme court to appeal against a high court ruling that only parliament can trigger the Brexit process, not Theresa herself. In parliament she has a majority of nine. She has at least 30 anti-Brexit MPs in her own benches. Hoo boy!
Then look further afield. A referendum yesterday in Italy on constitutional change, a presidential election in Austria. Waiting in the wings (so far, at time of writing), far right-wing figures only too reminiscent of Il Duce and Der Fuhrer (who of course was himself originally an Austrian) in the 1930s. This fellow doesn't have the moustache – but, oh boy, he's got the forelock!
Then in France it will be the centre-right against the far right. Let's not even talk about America.
Could it be that, in spite of the wipe-out in Richmond Park, the Monster Raving Loonies are actually taking over the western world? No wonder they can hold a victory party the night before the polls. It's scary stuff.
Low-key visit
SLIGHT puzzlement attaches to last week's visit by Yoweri Museveni, President of Uganda.
JZ broke from his showdown with the ANC national executive to meet with him for a couple of hours – then jetted off to Cuba.
What did Museveni do then? Visit the zoo? Go on a conducted tour of Pretoria? Is he still here?
It's odd.
Great game
SWING low, sweet chariot … what a wonderful game Saturday's rugby Test between England and Australia turned out to be. Australia absolutely rampant at first, running away with it, England defending their line desperately.
Then England refusing to panic, gradually asserting themselves and running out eventual winners 37-21, some glorious tries on both sides. In such contests, rugby's character as a war substitute - emphasis on "substitute" – shows itself as in no other game.
How sad that at the moment the Boks are just not in this league. Yet here were the Blitzboks winning the Dubai leg of the World Sevens Tournament, beating Fiji in fine style. When does it play through?
Tattered jeans
US RAPPER Kanye West was released from hospital over the weekend after being admitted suffering from exhaustion and what were termed "spiritual problems."
This followed cancellation of the remaining gigs on a tour after he engaged in strange political rants from the stage – also against the music industry.
He was on TV as he left hospital, wearing ragged blue jeans – both knees showing through – which looked like something most hobos would reject.
Were his "problems" still with him? No, it seems such ragged gear is tres chic in the world of rap. All is well.
Alphabet
READERS come to the rescue over last week's "RAF alphabet", where "W for short" had me stumped.
Mike Roberts suggests it might mean "double you" – bending over makes you short.
But Robert Goff says it means Wren – short for a girl in the Women's Royal Navy.
Still a bit obscure. But you never know quite where you are with this crafty Cockney stuff.
Tailpiece
FRENCH is a tricky language, nouns either male "le" or female "la". Two Yorkshiremen are in Paris. One has a smattering of French, the other none at all. They sit down at a pavement café.
"Ici garcon, deux bieres sil vous plait."
"Ee, tha soonds grand," says his friend.
The waiter brings two beers.
Then. "Oi! There's a fly in me beer."
"Garcon, C'est le mouche!."
"Non monsieur. La mouche."
"What's 'e say?"
"He says it's female."
"Booger! What eyesight the man must 'ave!"
Last word
There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.
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