Monday, March 30, 2015

Ther Idler, Wednesday, March 2015

Singapore strongman

LEE Kuan Yew, Singapore's first prime minister, who died this 

week aged 91, was not exactly a poster boy for libertarianism. 

He imposed discipline. He cracked down hard on layabouts and 

malcontents. Chewing gum was banned. Drop a stompie on the 

pavement and you'd go to jail. Long hair in men was banned (Too 

bad for the Bee Gees and Led Zeppelin). Express yourself through 

graffiti and you'd get caned.

But he took the place by the scruff of the neck and transformed 

it into an Asian Tiger. Singapore had been a colonial backwater, 

sporadically convulsed by rioting between its Chinese, Malay and 

Indian ethnic groups.

No more. Lee promoted a work ethic. Jobs were created, people 

were too busy to squabble. He took the poor out of the slums and 

put them in apartment blocks. But they had to work.

Singaporean shipping became a world powerhouse. Similarly 

with high- tech industry and banking. The government created the 

space for those who wanted to work.

Lee was tough and ruthless. But he operated transparently and 

within the law (he was a British-trained barrister).

I once heard him being interviewed. When it was put to him that 

many considered him authoritarian, Lee just chuckled.

"Yes, I'm authoritarian. And every five years I go to the people and 

they ask for more." It went on for three decades – election after 

election that Lee won.

We look on somewhat wistfully. Which island state has the more 

resonance here – Singapore or Cuba?

Red cards

LET'S be honest, the weather rescued us last Saturday. You 

can't hope to play and win, one man short, against a team like the 

Waikato Chiefs in normal handling conditions.

That horrendous downpour and gale-force wind narrowed the gap. 

The Sharks were able to hang in there grimly and pull it off. Epic 

stuff – but we wouldn't have done it in normal conditions. Not one 

man short for most of the game.

Which brings us to this wretched question of red cards. Yes, 

thuggery has to be stamped out. In a physical game like rugby, it 

can be allowed no traction.

But does the match have to be castrated? Do the many thousands 

of fans have to watch something second-rate? Fifteen men versus 

14 (or in last Saturday's case 14 against 13)?

Punish the transgressors by all means. Give them heavy fines and 

long suspensions. But let somebody come on off the bench. Let 

the game continue as a true contest.

The IRB really need to think this one through.

Numbers

SOME number crunching that perhaps explains why South African 

Airways is in such financial distress.

QANTAS (Australian) has 32 500 employees serving a total of 252 

aircraft - 129 employees per aircraft

American Airlines has 87 897 employees serving a total of 618 

aircraft - 142 employees per aircraft

Delta Airlines has 106 216 employees serving a total of 722 

aircraft - 147 employees per aircraft

British Airways has 36 832 employees serving a total of 238 

aircraft - 154 employees per aircraft

United Airlines has 115 149 employees serving a total of 710 

aircraft - 162 employees per aircraft

South African Airways has 55 500 employees serving a total of 58 

aircraft - 957 employees per aircraft.

Hey, but those 957 pump the tyres in fine style!

Sterling stuff

A READER who calls himself  Hughbythesea supplies another 

adaptation of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

to fetch a pail of water

Jill came down with half-a-crown,

She was no parson's daughter.

Tailpiece

THE 10 senior members of the board of directors  are called 

one by one into the chairman's office. Eventually only a newly 

appointed junior director is left sitting outside. Then he is called in.

The chairman and the 10 other directors are seated round a table. 

He is invited to join them.

The chairman asks in a stern voice: "Have you ever 

      had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?" 

      "Oh, no sir, positively not!". 

      "Are you absolutely sure?"  

      "Honestly, I've never been close enough to even touch her!" 

      "You'd swear to that?" 

      "Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, 

anywhere."  

      "Good. Then you can fire her!"

Last word

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialled in my absence and 

sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my 

absence. 

Brendan Behan

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