Rugby bombshell
THE Sharks will be playing in the northern hemisphere rugby championships from
next season instead of the southern hemisphere Super 15. This means they will be
pitted against sides such as Saracens, Bath, Toulouse, Ulster and Munster instead of
the familiar Stormers, Cheetahs and Bulls.
The decision was taken at an emergency meeting at King's Park, precipitated by
outrage over Sanzar's decision to appeal against its own citation hearing which
cleared Frans Steyn of a tip tackle against Waikato Chiefs.
However, it is understood that the switch has been under consideration for some time,
to avoid the jetlag factor of having to fly backwards and forwards between KwaZulu-
Natal and localities in Australia and New Zealand.
Sharks CEO John Smit confirmed today that the Sharks would be playing in the
northern hemisphere next season.
"It's been a long time coming. The competition is exhausting enough without this
continuous latitudinal flying, eastward and westward. It really takes it out of the guys
and has an obviously negative effect on their performance.
"It makes much more sense to fly south-north to Europe, then back again. No
monstrously long flights, no jetlag from flying eastward.
"And I've got to be honest: these Sanzar people are beginning to get us down with
their refs and their disciplinary nonsense. Also, we have our local problems in the
Super 15 – these Blue Bulls refs and TMOs that seem to be running every match we
play. It's getting a bit much.
"And it will be nice to have Harlequins, Wasps, London Scottish and the rest of them
playing at King's Park."
"It's a big change, I know, but we'll be better off in the northern competition. It's for
the best. My board were unanimous on it."
Meanwhile, the South African Rugby Union has gone into an emergency meeting
to discuss the Sharks bombshell. Well-placed sources say Saru is in fact dismayed
because it was itself considering a similar course and feels it has been leapfrogged..
Top of the agenda is a proposal that the Springboks should apply to join the Six
Nations competition – making it the Seven Nations.
"They were getting sick of this flying between Argentina, Australia and New
Zealand," the source said. "Too much jetlag. North-South makes much more sense."
World rugby can never be the same again ...
Colonial relics
ETHEKWINI council announced today that, following discussions with the EFF, it
has agreed to dynamite the statue of King George V outside Howard College. It has
also agreed to remove all traces of the colonial era, which means a dynamiting of the
statues in the CBD, the city hall itself, the post office (which served as the meeting
place of the infamous national convention that led to creation of the Union of South
Africa) and the Royal Hotel.
Asked if this was not likely to create a wasteland, a spokesman for the EFF said:
"Yes, that's the general idea".
Heritage Site
UNESCO has declared a new World Heritage Site. This is Nkandla, a place of major
scientific and other interest which perplexes physicists and economists alike for its
capacity to attract huge volumes of cash, which disappear as if into one of those black
holes in space.
Also sociologists and political scientists. It has shown itself to have the unexplained
capacity to cause brawls in parliament and general social disorder.
Also linguists. Nkandla has given to the English language unique words such as
"firepool" and "key point".
As the Unesco citation puts it: "Nkandla is one of the mysteries of our universe that
must be preserved and nurtured for the edification of future generations worldwide."
As a spokesman for the Department of Tourism put it: "Nkandla has been top of
our marketing strategy for a time now. This recognition will give it a huge boost. It
coincides very nicely with our budgeted plans for a R3 billion tourism airport there
..."
Overflow
DRAT! This stuff keeps overflowing from the news pages into this space. Funny, it
seems to happen every year on April 1.
Tailpiece
MY NEIGHBOUR knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning.
Can you believe that - 2:30am? Luckily I was still up playing my
bagpipes.
Last word
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four. - Mark Twain
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