Durban curry contest
DETAILS come this way of a curry contest right here in Durban,
where a visiting American gastronome joined two local judges.
Here are the scorecard notes
* Seelan's Maniac Monster tomato curry.
Judge 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge 3 - Holy cow! What the hell is this stuff? You could
remove paint with it. Took me two beers to put the
flames out.
* Phoenix BBQ chicken curry
Judge 1 - Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge 2 - Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children! I'm tasting pain.
I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer...
* Shamila's famous Burn Down The Garage curry.
Judge 1 - Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge 2 - A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge 3 - Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like
I've been snorting drain cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by
now - more beer before I ignite! I'm getting pickled.
* Baboo's Black Magic bean curry.
Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
* Lall's Lethal Lip Remover.
Judge 1 - Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge 2 - Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit
the chili peppers make a strong statement.
Judge 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
and I can no longer focus my eyes. Shareen saved my tongue
from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. The
other judges asked me to stop screaming.
* Verishnee's Vegetarian Variety.
Judge - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
Judge 3 - My intestines are filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames..
Can't feel my lips any more.
* Selina's Mother-in-Law's Tongue curry
Judge 1 - A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. (I am worried about Judge 3. He
appears to be in a bit of distress).
Judge 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water.
* Naidoo's Toenail Curling curry.
Judge 1 - The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge 2 - This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3
passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of
himself. Not sure he's going to make it. Poor man, I wonder how
he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge 3 - No report.
See you at the Britannia.
Rhyme time
REGULAR telephone contact Barrie "with an 'ie'" proffers a
nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each with a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came down with two dollars and a half,
Do you think for fetching water?
Veggies
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Potatoes
give us mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, roast potatoes,
chips AND vodka. These other vegetables need to get their act
together."
Tailpiece
TWO goats find a roll of celluloid film on a vacant lot in Hollywood. They munch
away at it.
"Mmmmm, not bad,"says one.
"Not at all. But I think I preferred the book."
Last word
Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.
W L George
No comments:
Post a Comment