Close but no cigar
'TWAS a sombre gathering the other evening at the Street Shelter for the Over-
Forties in the aftermath of the Cricket World Cup debacle.
What is it about our one-day game? With the arsenal of talent at our disposal to
remain top of the world ratings in five-day Test cricket, how is it that it doesn't
translate to the 50-overs game?
What lunacy inspired the selection of Vernon Philander, with no recent match time
due to injury, over the in-form Kyle Abbot?
And that collision in the field between Farhaan Behardien and JP Duminy – mama
mia! At this level?
Close, chaps, but no cigar. It's a rum old world.
Maybe the spirits will be lifted tomorrow against the Western Force (what ridiculous
names these professional sides have these days) who hail, I think, from Perth
Australia.
We watch with interest for red cards. There's a theory that there are elements in
Sanzar who want to whittle down the game to rugby league dimensions – 13 a side –
before eliminating the scrum as an area of real contestation.
It's got to be untrue. But after last Saturday's red cards, and the way scrumhalves are
allowed to put the ball in skew – you might as well have a monkey-scrum – you begin
to wonder.
See you in the Duikers!
Blame game
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter that
JZ has announced he is to personally take over the investigation of Eskom.
"This probably means that the main issue is not primarily a technical one since Zuma
most assuredly has zero skills in that area ... JZ needs to move in fast and see what
can be covered up and who deserves the blame – if not Jan van Riebeeck then maybe
Cecil Rhodes."
Ukraine bust
MEANWHILE, it's with great wistfulness that we read a news
snippet from the Ukraine.
"Two senior Ukrainian officials have been arrested during a cabinet
meeting as part of an anti-corruption crackdown, hours after a
powerful regional governor was sacked.
"The head of Ukraine's State Emergencies Service, Serhiy
Bochkovsky, and his deputy Vasyl Stoyetsky were handcuffed by
police at the televised meeting.
"They are suspected of involvement in high-level corruption.
"Earlier Ukraine's president sacked a billionaire governor, Ihor
Kolomoisky."
Yes, wistfulness is the word.
Glass ceiling
THERE'S mounting speculation as to whether Hillary Clinton
will manage to shatter "the highest and hardest glass ceiling"
by winning the Democrat presidential nomination, then actually
making it to the White House.
I take no position on this. I am strictly neutral.
But has it occurred to the gals that if Hillary makes it to the
White House, she will have to surround herself entirely with
males?
Bill would also be there, you see. All those interns ...
Stats
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties:
"Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not Happy."
Cockney idiom
FELL off the back of a lorry, Guv, know wot I mean, know wot I mean?
In Guizhou province in China the other day, it was almost five tons of it wot fell off
the back of a lorry.
Five tons of live catfish, that is. A faulty catch on the tailboard had them out on
the road – schloop! – and next thing it was firehouses to keep them wet and alive
and a bulldozer to scoop them up again.
We use here the Cockney argot, but Billingsgate fish market has nothing on this.
Signage
THE man who stole the show in Sweden's Eurovision final was – judging from
internet reaction – the fellow who writhed and danced to the music, making sign
language to convey the words of the songs to the deaf.
Millions watched Tommy Krangh on Facebook and YouTube. There are calls for him to
star in the grand final in Vienna, in May.
Hey, here's an opportunity for Thamsanqa Jantjie, the fellow who caused such an outcry
with his sign language at the Mandela memorial service. So what if a soulful ballad is
mimed as the gumboot dance?
Tailpiece
Defence lawyer: "The blood tests have come back. There's good news and bad news."
Client: "What's the bad news?"
Defence lawyer: "Your DNA matches the blood found on the victim,, the murder weapon
and the getaway car."
Client: "And the good news?"
Defence lawyer: "Your cholesterol level is down."
Last word
Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
William Feather
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