The mystery widens
Yesterday we discussed the somewhat weird phenomenon of people seeing the dress
of a woman whose photo has been posted on the internet in completely different
barred colours.
Some see it as gold and white. Others see it as blue and black. The dispute on Twitter
as to the colours of the garment have become so heated they obscure the fact that
the shot is from the rear and the dress – whether gold and white or black and blue –
covers an exquisite derrier.
It began as a Twitter exchange between celebs of the northern hemisphere, both sides
of the Atlantic. But now it's gone viral and only the other evening – this is absolutely
genuine – was the subject of excited discussion in the Street Shelter for the Over-
Forties. The barmaid saw it in gold and white; others in blue and black.
Extraordinary. My regular contributor Barrie (with an "ie") volunteers the information
that in Cockney rhyming slang it would be a "deaf and dumb", but it gets us no closer
to solving the mystery.
What a shape! But I'm afraid I still can't remember what colour I saw it in.
Blackout
THE other day we had a blackout in my neck of the woods. As I drove off to find
some spot that had power to drive the necessities of life like a computer and an
electric toothbrush, I noticed that the streetlights were all burning. It was midday.
Duh?
Later the power came on again. I went off to an evening function. I got back to
another blackout, just a few hours after. This time a proper one – even the streetlights
were off. But Eskom can't do anything about the moonlight.
By the light of an almost full moon and the light shed by the screen of my cellphone
– the one where you crank a little handle to get the Nkandla exchange – I was able to
select from my ring the key to a side gate, as the electric door to the garage was out of
action. Then very cautiously negotiate the keys and locks to my own home – and enter
complete blackness but for the glow from my Nkandla phone.
Life is fun and a challenge with Eskom. Commonwealth Games? Heck, let's have the
Olympics! We'll need the torch to find our way around Durban at night.
Oops!
DUE TO spring tides, the alignment of Jupiter with Saturn, global warming, an earthquake
in Chile and the sensational attributes of a new barmaid at the Street Shelter for the Over-
Forties, everything went awry the other day and the name of the early originator of round-
the-corner place kicks at Mansfield High – John Elbourne – appeared incorrectly as "John
Welbourne". The correction is gladly made.
Simplicity
YESTERDAY we considered the explanation by American humorist Ogden Nash
of the difference between the One-L lama (the religious figure who Home Affairs
refuse to grant a visa) and the Two-L llama, which is a kind of miniature camel
from South America.
In fact Nash had a fascination with the spartan simplicity of the life of the Dalai
Lama, and hankered after it himself. He put it this way:
In far Tibet
There live a lama,
He got no poppa,
Got no momma,
He got no wife,
He got no chillun,
Got no use
For penicillun,
He got no soap,
He got no opera,
He don't know Irium
From copra,
He got no songs,
He got no banter,
He don't know Hope,
He don't know Cantor,
He got no teeth,
He got no gums,
Don't eat no Spam,
Don't need no Tums.
He love to nick him
When he shave;
He also got
No hair to save.
Got no distinction,
No clear head,
Don't call for Calvert;
Drink milk instead.
He use no lotions
For allurance,
He got no car
And no insurance,
No Alsop warnings,
No Pearson rumor
For this self-centered
Nonconsumer.
Indeed, the
Ignorant Have-Not
Don't even know
What he don't got.
If you will mind
The box-tops, comma,
I think I'll go
And join that lama.
But Home Affairs can relax. Nash died many years ago and will not be applying for a
visa.
Tailpiece
Man in bookshop: "Do you keep stationery?"
Female assistant: "Sometimes I wriggle a bit."
Last word
If we wish to make a new world we have the material ready. The first one, too, was made out of chaos.
Robert Quillen
No comments:
Post a Comment