One happy subscriber
SAINT Bernards seem to have given up brandy and are delivering The
Mercury instead. Reader "Rip" Riphagen, of Brighton Beach, says he has been
subscribing for a few years now.
"Recently I acquired a Saint Bernard and she fetches my paper for me every
morning from the driveway.
"And every morning, come sunshine or rain, snow or hail, hell, high water or
technology, tsunami or sirocco, your delivery men put my paper in a plastic
bag to protect it from the slobber. It is but a small thing but I am really very
thankful for that. I think it is extremely considerate of them.
"Please convey my sincere thanks to them. You may also buy them a Bells.
Just use some of the money you guys deduct from my bank account every
month.
"However when I told my friend Peter, who also has a Saint, about this he was
not impressed. He says his dog also brings him his paper every morning and
he doesn't even have a subscription.
"Perhaps I should start training my dog again. What do you think?"
I think you should speak to your friend Peter about his training methods, work
hard at it and by Christmas your Saint will deliver a keg of Bells, courtesy
of our circulation department. They're the most generous people you can
imagine.
Golden memories
NINETY-ONE-year-old Phyllis Larcombe sends in some charming
memories of Durban in the 1920s. They also feature the legendary
DHS schoolmaster, Bill Payne, who was an early Comrades
Marathon runner.
"My parents lived in a single-storey semi-detached house in
Essenwood Road, opposite where Musgrave Centre now stands.
Several of my mother's relatives lived in small houses between
Essenwood and Musgrave Roads.
"Her uncle, David Walsh, planted the baobab tree which was later
saved by the builders. It can be observed at the entrance to the
parking area of Musgrave Centre.
"My sister (now aged 95) played with the neighbour's three
daughters,
Jacqueline, Petal and Wendy. Their father was Bill Payne who was
one of the Comrades who started the Comrades Marathon.
"My mother was taken in a rickshaw to the Enfield Nursing Home
where I was born, 91 years ago.
"Bill Payne made a swing for the children. The ropes were on a
very high tree branch. When he swung them, they went over the
dividing fence. His wife was standing in the kitchen doorway and
remonstrated with him. He turned to her and said: 'Oh, don't be
such a wet Winnie,' in the idiom of those days.
"We moved away from Durban but went to Hibberdene and stayed
in a holiday cottage during the July holidays.
"At that time, I was nine years old. We were walking along the
railway line from sleeper to sleeper and could see the brown water
coming down
in flood in the river below.
"My mother exclaimed: 'Oh, look, there is a branch with an arm
over it.' The swimmer guided the branch to the bank and climbed
out of the water. My mother gasped: 'Oh look, it's Bill Payne." She
went over and spoke to him. Walking back, with my mother, she
told me all these things about the early Durban days."
Rugby boots
PART of the Bill Payne legend is that he ran the Comrades in
his rugby boots, stopped off at Botha's Hill for a curry and rice
and a quart of beer, then was given a glass of peach brandy by a
spectator around Cato Ridge, which served like rocket fuel for him
to finish the race.
It seems he also enjoyed swimming in flooded rivers.
Tailpiece
AN OLD man of 90 is sitting on a park bench crying.
A policeman asks: "What's the matter?"
"I just got married to a 25-year-old woman. Every morning we make love, she
makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we then have fun together, laughing
and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we
make love again and have fun together, laughing and relaxing. At dinner time
she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and really enjoy
ourselves."
"You shouldn't be crying, you should be the happiest man in the world."
"I know. I'm crying because I can't remember where I live!"
Last word
He wrapped himself in quotations - as a beggar would enfold himself in the
purple of Emperors.
Rudyard Kipling
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