Strong tobacco at Loftus
WHAT an evening's rugby it was last Saturday – two cliffhangers in the Super Rugby
and another ding-dong in the Six Nations.
At the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, on some screens they were showing Wales
versus France – Wales in red, France in blue – and on others they were showing Lions
versus Stormers – Lions in red and Stormers in blue.
It could be a bit confusing. I watched the entire Lions versus Stormers match, only to
find out it had been Wales versus France. It's this globalised, digitalised age we live
in. Great rugby though.
As for our game against the Bulls – an absolute humdinger, as expected, so much
talent on the field you can't stop thinking of the World Cup. Has Patrick Lambie ever
been so sweetly on song with his kicking?
But what were they smoking in the TMO box at Loftus? That "inconclusive" forward
pass by the Bulls that got them their first try – that was gridiron stuff. Our disallowed
try – a guy knocked on without touching the ball. And that last Bulls try was as
convincing as Mac Maharaj on the Nkandla firepool.
Three TMO bum calls in one match – a probable 21 points adrift. Mama mia! This
has to be some sort of record. Yet we almost clawed our way back.
All the same, I felt the Bulls had the better of it overall. We were on the back foot
much of the time. We wuz robbed – yet they deserved to rob us. It's a funny old
game.
Complaint
A LETTER of complaint comes this way from a lady who calls herself "Mrs Brown".
"I sat up until after midnight to watch this programme on TV. It was a complete waste
of time.
"Grand Prix – and it was all about racing cars!"
Great spin
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener, congratulates Minister of Finance
Nhlanhla Nene in his latest grumpy newsletter on his presenting a belt-tightening
budget with out once using the word "austerity". This is admirable spin.
Yet he notes an immediate contradiction. "In defiance of these calls for parsimony,
the Office of the Premier here in KZN has appointed a consultant to run the 'I Do
Right – Even When Nobody is Watching' campaign.
"Aside from the disturbing grammar, the idea that such a campaign has become
necessary and furthermore is under way is dreadful. Why not simply fire anyone not
doing right?"
Pop names
A FEATURE of our age is the outlandish names of so many of
our pop groups. A reader feels that many of them would sound
even better in Afrikaans.
Here goes:
Pet Shop Boys – Troeteldierwinkelseuns; Smashing Pumpkins
- Platgemoerde Pampoene; The Clash - Die Botsing; Frankie
Goes to Hollywood - Frikkie Gaan Fliek Toe; Bananarama -
Piesangmargarien; Iron Maiden - Yster Sussie; Spice Girls
- Aromat Slette; Simple Minds – Dofkoppe; Meat Loaf –
Vleisrol;
Dire Straits - Moer Toe; Def Leppard - Stomdoof Luiperd;
Johnny Rotten & the Sex Pistols - Jannie Vrot en die Pomp
Revolwers.
Yes, they do have a certain zing in the local taal. The Agony and the Ecstasy – Eina
maar dis lekker!
Inflation
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: ""When
I was a boy, my mom would send me down to the corner store
with R1 and I'd come back with five potatoes, two loaves of bread,
three bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and six eggs.
You can't do that now ... too many security cameras."
Buses
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens a few lines on the
latest swing of the pendulum in Durban's bus service.
When Mike S was Durban's commissar,
Citizens avoided buses and went by car;
Now I'm told it's even worse,
Like, twenty packed into a hearse,
Or bundled together in a Ricksha.
Tailpiece
LAWYER (to wealthy art collector): "I've got good news and bad news.."
Art collector: ""What's the good news? I've had an awful day."
Lawyer: "Your wife invested R50 000 in two pictures this week that she figures
are worth a minimum of R20 to R30 million."
Art collector: "Well done! Very good news indeed!
You've just made my day. Now what's the bad news?"
Lawyer: "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
Last word
Do you realise if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Al Boliska
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