Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Idler, Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Calling all cats

IS THERE any point in giving names to cats? They don't answer to them the way dogs do. They answer to "psssp…psssp … psssp" and to "kittykittykitty" but not to names like Oliver and Reginald.

This is dangerous territory, I know. I am mindful of the lynch mob that descended on the Mercury offices many years ago when a previous Idler wrote that budgies are incapable of speech. People get emotional about such things.

That Idler – a splendid fellow named Denis Henshaw – didn't just have to listen to endless chirrupings over the telephone as owners held the handset up to the budgie cage, some of them actually arrived in person, budgie on shoulder, and ready for fisticuffs. The ladies were the most threatening.

But we cannot shrink from pursuit of the truth. Why do people – the Poms especially -  give their cats names? They're wild animals that just find it convenient to live the domesticated life while it suits them. But let them spot a bird in the garden and instinct kicks in. You can call Oliver or Reginald as much as you like, but he won't come to heel the way a pointer does.

These musings are prompted by a study in Britain by the BBC and the Royal Veterinary College on how the country's 10 million cats are adapting to modern life.

A case study in Brighton focuses on a household with four cats named Buster, Miss Piggy, Pookie and Jasper. It highlights how they compete for territory in certain cases; how Buster actually goes next door to catch an undisturbed kip.

Fascinating stuff. But nowhere are we told whether Buster, Miss Piggy, Pookie and Jasper answer to their names, or indeed why they are given those names. This is surely a glaring omission and possibly a cover-up by the cat-loving community.

Or am I wrong about this? (This despatch is written from a safe distance in Rio de Janeiro).

Deft and daft

MORE paraprosdokians – deft phrases described by a daft word.

·         War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

·         Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

·         They begin the evening news with "Good Evening", then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

·         To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

Fragrant risk

GO EASY on the aftershave and the underarm deodorant. It could land you in the clink.

A motorist in Oregon, in the US, was being chased by police after a traffic violation. Abandoning his car at the roadside, he ducked into some dense undergrowth. The cops followed but couldn't find him.

But they did pick up a strong and pervasive scent of cologne. They called in a sniffer dog, which went straight to him where he was hiding under a bush.

Now he's the most fragrant inmate of the local jail.

 

Jacarandas

IT'S jacaranda time, the purple blooms are out and, by tradition, it's time for UKZN students to start swotting for their final exams.

Motivational speaker Sarita Mathur pens some lines of verse:

 

I look out of the window at the jacaranda tree,

Its purple flowers waving back at me,

It seems to smile serenely at me:

Royalty and beauty soothing me.

Soon these beautiful flowers will fall to the ground,

Velvet beneath my feet.

Yet this wonderful tree will continue to stand tall,

Without its beautiful flowers.

Loved by one and all.

So it is with the human existence,

Indomitable is the will.

It does not need technology or skill

To be cheerful and patient,

When times are bad.

In good times and sad,

It really is our responsibility

To always be happy.

Let's just be like the flowering jacaranda tree.

Flowers will bloom

And flowers will fall,

Yet this beautiful tree

Will always stand tall,

Respected by one and all.

Tailpiece

A HEALTH specialist is giving a talk in the village hall about personal well-being.

"The best way to start the day is five minutes' light exercise followed by five minutes' deep breathing. Then I always take a short, hot shower and feel rosy all over."

Voice from the back of the hall: "Tell us more about Rosie!"

 

Last word

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.

R Buckminster Fuller

 

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