Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Idler, Monday, October 13, 2014

How to get the ferry

 

A FORMER Hillcrest man has found he has to "kilim gong" (kill him gong – in other words, strike the gong) if, at his new home, he wants to take the ferry to another island.

 

James de Kok has been posted by an international relief agency to the Ripablik blong Vanuata (Republic of Vanuata), a South Pacific archipelago of small islands once known as the New Hebrides.

 

The islands have a bewildering 113 indigenous languages, which means the islanders have to communicate through Bislama – a delightful pidgin English which they all understand - or use normal English or French, which are also official languages

 

Other phrases James has picked up (the word "blong" – belong – meaning "of"):

·         Basket blong pikinini - womb/placenta ("basket for child").

·         Bata nus - Mucus ("butter nose").

·         Bed blong spaeda – Spiderweb ("bed of spider").

·         Dakdak sus - Flippers ("duck shoes").

·         Kam nating - Empty-handed ("come with nothing").

·         Haf ded - Unconscious ("half dead").

·         Sel blong fingga - Fingernail ("shell of finger").

·         Smol hariken - Squall ("small hurricane").

·         Smol rat – Mouse.

·         Wokbaot dakdak – To waddle ("Walkabout duck")

·          

The motto of the Ripablik blong Vanuatu is Long God Yumi Stanap (With God We Stand. Yumi means "we" – You/me.)

 

It sounds a charming place, with a total population of only about 253 000 people. Durban alone has more than 14 times that.

Big bagarap

 

BISLAMA is one of several Pidgin English dialects dotted about the world. Another is Nigerian Pidgin, which is spoken by several million people as their first language and is understood by most of the country but is not an official language.

 

Yet another is Tok Pisin (Talk Pidgin) which is an official language in Papua-New Guinea. A snatch from the Tok Pisin marriage service.

 

Parson: "Him fella wanchee mak yu pidgin-wife. Can do, no can do?"

Bride: "Can do."

 

A bit of Tok Pisin vocabulary:

 

Accident – bagarap (bugger-up); acquitted – winim kot (win the court); all right – orait; alone – wanpela tasol (one fellow, that's all); always – oltaim (all the time); antiseptic – marasin bilong kilim jem (medicine that kills the germ); bad – nogut; bath – waswas (washwash); best – nambawan (Number One); bicycle – wilwil (wheelwheel); binoculars – glas bilong kapten; cat – pusi; cheeky person – sikibaga (cheeky bugger); cinema – haus piksa (house picture); famous - gat biknem (got big name); festival – singsing …

 

And so it goes on. Wonderful, colourful stuff. They say English has conquered the world. Could it be the other way round?

 

Rallying round

THE getting together of people to assist President Zuma if he has to repay a portion of the upgrades to his home at Nkandla must be excellent news for the Treasury, notes investment analyst Dr James Greener in his latest grumpy newsletter.

"A group of concerned South Africans feel that Number One is doing a really good job and ought not to be pestered with mundane and trivial issues like arranging payment for the multimillion rand upgrades to his personal home. Accordingly they are going to make the payment for him.

"National Treasury must be delighted by this news. Firstly, if the muttering of the uncharitable curmudgeons is true, then a possible source of this largesse could be from the earlier overpayments by the state to gravy train passengers.

"Secondly, monetary gifts to JZ, or indeed anybody, in excess of R100 000 per annum will attract donations tax at a rate of 20 percent. The national revenue fund is a winner twice over."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tailpiece

WOMEN drivers! This morning on the M4 I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand-new BMW doing 120km/h with her face up to her rear-view mirror, putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple of seconds, then she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that make-up.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But that scared me. I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the meat pie out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cellphone away from my ear. The phone fell into the coffee between my legs. This splashed and scalded the family jewels, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call.

Women drivers! They should get them off the road!

Last word

We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts.

John Dewey

 



 

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